Ask A Guy: How To Deal If Your Boyfriend Wants To Be Alone After A Fight

Dear Joel,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years now, and lately we’ve been fighting a lot. The last fight ended with him saying he wanted to be alone for a time (not more than a day), and me feeling really lonely and sad. The reasons we fight are because I am too jealous and controlling. How do I know if he is tired of me? What can I do? Should I leave him alone?

Before we talk about him, clearly there are some things about yourself we need to discuss. If you’re still jealous of things two years into a relationship, that’s a problem. Does he give you reason to act that way? If your jealousy is unfounded, then you really need to figure out how to deal with it, because that WILL ruin any relationship on its own and left unchecked. On the flip side, if he gives you reason to be jealous, that’s a problem too. Before you can fix the relationship, you need to attend to yourself.

That being said, if your jealously is at the core of a lot of these fights, then it’s both likely and understandable that he wants to be left alone so things don’t get to the point that he breaks up with you. Often times, people just want some time to collect their thoughts and calm down, as getting caught up in the moment can lead to people saying things they don’t mean.

In general, if people ask for some space – give it to them. We’re not talking days and days, but everyone is entitled to a few minutes or hours of quiet or solitude if and when they need. The key is finding a relaxed, calm way to restart the conversation, and work towards solving the problem, as opposed to trying to win the argument.

That’s one of the most important parts of a relationship: understanding how to argue and compromise with your partner. Everyone has different approaches to arguing, and if yours don’t match up, you need to work even harder so things get solved. It’s by no means an impossible task, and sitting down at some point when you’re NOT fighting and discussing things can go a long way.

So if you want to know what to do, it all starts with you. You need to figure out how to get your jealousy under control, and relax a bit on how much you’re running the relationship. A successful, long lasting relationship needs to be rooted in equality, and if you can’t get to that point, it may become your own undoing.

Best of luck!
Joel

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.

 

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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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