I am really struggling with my lack of confidence when it comes to my body. When it comes to going around to see a boy, and we’re sitting very close to each other, I get so paranoid of what he’s going to think about me when he will put his hand on my leg or something. He might think, “oh my gosh, she’s so fat” or something. I hate feeling this way about myself and I want to look good. My overall question is, what’s the best thing I could wear to look sexy in when I’m not very confident with my body?
I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling this way. I understand how much a lack of confidence can drag you down. The good news is that this absolutely something you can work on.
Can you still look sexy even when you feel like you don’t? Yup, absolutely. Here’s how to start: Pick three things that you love about yourself – or if “love” is too strong for you, then things you actually like sometimes. Look in the mirror or look at photos of yourself, pick three things. It doesn’t matter what they are – it can be your eyes, your legs, your shoulders, your smile, your hair… it can even be your eyebrows. Just pick three.
Now, whenever you’re getting dressed or ready for the day, focus on enhancing and playing up those three things. Confused? Let me give you an example. My three things that I like about myself are my eyes, my butt, and my hair. Every day, I make sure those three things look great, and then I end up feeling great as a result. I play up my eyes with makeup so that they stand out, I work on my hair so it looks good, and I wear clothing that flatters my butt. Playing up these features that I like make me feel good about myself even if I don’t like other things about my body. This is what you have to do.
Say you like your arms over your legs – opt for shirts that show off your arms while wearing jeans that fit comfortably. Or maybe you love your boobs but you hate your stomach and want to hide it. Pick a shirt that flatters your cleavage and makes you feel comfortable about your stomach. Does that make sense? Playing up the features you love the most will make you look good AND feel good, and that’s the real goal here.
As for worrying about what a boy thinks when you two are getting close: please don’t. If a guy is trying to touch you, it’s because he wants to touch you. I promise. If he didn’t find you attractive, he would not have put himself in that situation with you. End of story.
Working on your confidence and self-esteem takes time. Be patient with yourself, and remind yourself of the things you love about you every day. Don’t let these body insecurities get in the way of you feeling great.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org