If you’ve been single for a long time, then I’m sure that at some point, you have wondered why and how you’re still single. This doesn’t make you anti-feminist, it doesn’t mean you’re pathetic or desperate, and it doesn’t mean you’re obsessed with finding a significant other. It’s normal, and every girl who has been single for a while has been there.
I’ve gotten tons of questions from you guys asking why you’re still single. The stories are always very similar: you’re an attractive person with an awesome personality, but you can’t seem to find a relationship that sticks, or even a date at all. I get that this can be frustrating. After my first boyfriend and I broke up, I was basically single for four years, aside from some casual “relationships.” I know how it feels to think you’ve got it all, yet you can’t seem to find someone who agrees.
That’s why I found this Ask Reddit thread so intriguing. One woman wrote in asking why people think their “forever alone” single friends are still single. It was so interesting to read why these women think their friends can’t find a significant other, and some of the reasons were pretty eye-opening.
Let me be clear: First, I’m not saying that being single is a negative thing at all. It’s not in any way. Second: I’m not saying that a girl can’t choose to be single. Many women aren’t looking for a relationship and are happier being alone – and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Third: I’m not saying being single is all your fault, that there’s something wrong with you. Sometimes, though, we are doing something that could be hurting us without even realizing it, and sometimes we need someone to point that out.
So, wondering why you’ve been single for a while? This thread may help. Here are 12 reasons you’ve been single for a long time:
You're Too Negativeknitsandshit: My sister has a friend who is 32 and I'm sure she hasn't had a boyfriend or even a date in many years. She treats confident men like they're a**holes and everyone else like they're weak or pathetic. I couldn't even tell you what type of guy she likes because her dating history is so limited. She's very negative, selfish and exhausting to be around. Every conversation must revolve around her complaints. She's extremely rude and really immature (eg: she likes calling people derogatory names). It's fine to complain sometimes and to take issue with the way certain things are in the world. But being negative about anything is going to make it hard to find people who really want to be around you all the time. Try to be a little bit more positive. Source: ShutterStock
You're Not Honest About What You Wantfreshayer: Not being honest with herself or guys about what she wants. She's 29 and wants to settle down, but she keeps meeting guys on Tinder and getting hurt when they want to keep things casual. THIS. I have a lot of friends who aren't honest about what they want from a guy. They act like they're okay with keeping it casual when really they want a relationship, then they wonder why things didn't get more serious. You have to be honest! If you act like you don't want a relationship, why would the person think you do? Source: ShutterStock
You Get Too Clingy Too Fastnintendoinnuendo: My one friend is totally normal and fun, AND men are generally interested in her... UNTIL she snags one of them and makes them her boyfriend, at which point she becomes totally nuts. Like moves them in after being with them in after seeing each other for two months or makes them spend all their money on her. Yep, this will do it. You don't have to sit there and play mind games of being hard to get, but you can't act too clingy right away. It would scare anyone off. Source: ShutterStock
You're A Little Too Shy-englishbreakfast-: Friend of mine is 26, hasnt had a boyfriend, had sex, or even her first kiss. She is incredibly shy, and won't put herself in situations to change anything. But since it doesn't happen, she becomes more worried and hesitant, which feeds into her shyness. It has become a vicious cycle. I've tried giving her advice, even for online dating, but she says it's too awkward and won't do it. I love her to death, but I dont know how to help her if she won't find some confidence to just put herself out there. It's fine to be shy, but you have to learn how to get out of your comfort zone at least a little bit in order to meet someone, if that's what you want. Source; ShutterStock
You Won't Let Yourself Be Vulnerable0909a0909: I have a friend who just pushes people away when they try to get emotionally close to her. It is hard for her to be vulnerable and vulnerability is important for forming connections with people. As scary as it is, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone you're interested in dating. If you refuse to open up, how will things work? Source: ShutterStock
You're Not Over An Expinkpixy: My friends who are "forever singles" are either hung up on guys from their past or have too high of standards. Holding onto a dude from the past will make it very difficult to move on to someone new. Learn how to let go for yourself. Source: ShutterStock
You're Rudekarenkarenkaren: I do. I think her problem is that she is emotional immature. She's never been in a relationship but has these very specific ideas of the person she wants and won't go out side of that. She is extremely impatient with other people and their thoughts and emotions but also incredibly sensitive and takes any disagreement extremely personally. She can be extremely narrow-minded, judgmental and rude and she thinks that comes across as cool and discerning. Sometimes she's really embarrassing to be around. At one point I was trying to play wing woman but I just gave up. I would introduce her and she would be really rude, or she would be so dismissive about some aspect of the guy prior to meeting him that I didn't even want to subject them to her. You need to show people that you're open to getting to know them - you also need to actually be open. Source: ShutterStock
You Don't Think You Need To Do Anything DifferentlySoulPoleSuperstar: I do, and I will say that the biggest problem is the expectations they have for men, but refuse to have expectations for themselves. so they want a man who has a list of qualities, but can't fathom that men also have a list. they also don't have a good grasp on what a healthy relationship is. I know what this girl is saying. I have a friend who wants her S.O.'s to be exactly who she wants them to be - but she gets annoyed when they expect things from her. A relationship is a give and take. Source: ShutterStock
You Have No Confidencestephiej17: Extreme lack of confidence and inability to listen to reason. If you don't think you're worth it, why do you think someone else would? Learn to love yourself before you like someone else. Source; ShutterStock
You're Not Putting Yourself Out Therepistachio-pie: They don't put themselves out there. You need to try a little bit to find someone... if you just stay in your house all day, how will you meet anyone? Source: ShutterStock
Your Standards Are Too High_JeanGenie_: Her standards are too high. She only wants the hottest men with the coolest jobs and the super fun personalities. There is such a thing as having standards that are too high. Don't settle, but be willing to be a little flexible about what you want. Source: ShutterStock
You're Obsessed With The Fact That You're Singlefishielicious: That was me for a while. Then I became single and happy about it. Then I became unsingle. I don't know what went into it. I was really picky for one thing, even when I wasn't happy being single. I went out all the time, but I never seemed to meet anyone. I obsessed about it for a while. I'm really confident in my looks and my ~charming personality now, but back then I worried I was just too ugly or too boring. When I got more confident is also when I got happy being single. When I decided it wasn't a problem with me, it stopped being a problem at all. You can't focus on how single you are. You have to learn to be happy on your own. Seriously. I know it sounds corny but it's true. Source: ShutterStock
Why are you single? Do you disagree with any of these things? What did I forget? Tell me in the comments.