What To Do If You Hooked Up With Your Friend’s Crush… Then Lied About It

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Dear Heather,

I have this big dilemma and I don’t know what to do. For the longest time, I’ve known that my best friend has a huge crush on this guy. So, I offered to help her out. In school, I approached him and told him that my friend really likes him. He said he’s into her as well, which made me really happy… but then he asked me to go to a party with him that weekend. I ended up going, and I honestly regret it so much, because I know I did the wrong thing.

I hooked up with him there, and I feel so guilty it hurts. After it happened, we didn’t tell anyone, but word still got out (everyone knows everything here). Luckily, people weren’t specific in their gossip, and no one knows that I was the one who hooked up with him. But word still reached my friend that he had hooked up with someone, and she got really sad. She cried in front of me, and I felt so small. I didn’t know what to do. She knew I was at the party, and when she asked me who he hooked up with, I lied. I couldn’t think straight, so I told her it was another girl we know. Now she’s really angry at the girl, and I still feel super guilty.

My friend told me she’s going to confront the girl about it. I’m so scared right now, and I honestly don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose our friendship. I”m so scared about what will happen because I know that not only will she find out I lied, but she’ll also find out I was the one who did it, and I don’t want to her to. Please help me!

Oh boy. You have definitely gotten yourself into a very tricky situation here.

I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but you need to come clean to your friend. You have to tell her that you’re the one who hooked up with her crush. It will be SO hard, and she will absolutely be heartbroken and furious, but in the end, she will appreciate that she heard it from you, and not someone else. Let me put it this way: if she hears that you did it from someone else, your friendship will almost definitely be completely over. If she hears about it from you, you have a chance at fixing things.

As you can already see, lying about this is never helpful. It only makes the situation worse. If we could go back in time, I would tell you to be truthful with your friend from the beginning, but we can’t, so don’t dwell on that. You made a few mistakes, and now you have to work on fixing them the best you can. Running from them won’t do anyone any favors.

Tell your friend you need to talk, and then just be honest with her. Explain what happened, and let her know how you feel. Apologize, tell her you have felt awful since it happened, let her know how much you regret it, and ask for forgiveness. Tell her you know you did the wrong thing, tell her how much she means to you, and explain how much you don’t want to lose her.

Here’s what you can except: she will get angry. She will get really upset. She may not want to talk to you for a long time. It’s hard to say her actions aren’t justified, because they are – you went behind her back and did something you knew would hurt her. It’s okay, we all make mistakes sometimes. But you also have to realize that now you have to deal with those mistakes. You need to give her space and time to get over this. Don’t expect her to forgive you just because you’re sorry. And try not to get angry if she says things out of anger herself.

Also, if you want any sort of relationship with this friend after this, don’t associate with that guy ever again. Don’t talk to him, don’t hang out with him, and definitely don’t hook up with him again. If you want him in your life, you will probably be sacrificing your friendship, so you need to make that choice.

Listen, nobody is perfect. We all do things we regret sometimes, and we will all hurt someone we love at some point. You’re not a horrible person. You panicked and lied because you didn’t know what else to do. Work on fixing your relationship with your friend as much as possible. Maybe she’ll forgive you, and you guys can move on from this. If not, take it as a life lesson, and keep on moving.

take care,
Heather

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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