Ask A Guy: How Can You Attract A Guy Without Being Too Intense And Scaring Them Off?

Dear Joel,

When I have a crush on a guy, most of my attention goes to him. I can’t help but talk about my crush all the time, stare at him, think about him. I feel like my boy crazy attitude is affecting my friendships. I don’t want to be the girl who only talks about guys. I just can’t help it, though. I’m the lonely romantic, ugh. I also feel like guys are hesitant around me because I’m so weird around them. I need major help. How can I lower my boy crazy meter down? How can I attract guys without being too dramatic?

One of the more frustrating facts of life is that regardless of your age or experience, when you find someone you’re interested in, you get a bit giddy and excited. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that – and there’s actually a LOT right about it. The fact that your internals are getting buzzed by the mere presence of someone else is what attraction is all about.

However, like everything in life, it’s all about moderation.

Nobody wants Overly Attached Girlfriend, or someone that is a bit too into things before there even is “a thing.” Coming on too strong is one of the biggest turn-offs in existence, and as they say, desperation is a stinky perfume. This goes for both guys and girls, and it’s all about learning how to have all that excitement, but give an outward impression of being cool and relaxed about the situation.

If you’re into a guy, there’s nothing wrong with trying to get to know him better with some texts, phone calls or just talking to him at school. Don’t get bent out of shape if he doesn’t respond instantly. There is a fine line between showing someone you’re interested and making them the center of your universe. Let things develop naturally and be patient. Solid relationships take time, and if you try to rush them, it will ultimately do you a disservice, and that’s when you start looking desperate.

But all that aside, the fact that it’s having an impact on your friendships is the most concerning to me. NOTHING should come before your friends, as whether your single or in a relationship, you’ll need them every step of the way in life. If they’re tired of you talking about guys all the time, stop it. If you literally have nothing else to talk about, you probably need a hobby or activity to occupy some of your time. If all else fails, instead of babbling on endlessly about guys all the time, just listen and let others lead the conversation.

The reality is, crushes can be hard to deal with in terms of playing it cool. Learning to control your emotions and impulses is a key part in making yourself ready for a real relationship, so take some deep breaths, and channel your inner Jennifer-Lawrence-in-an-interview attitude.

Best of luck!

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.


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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • Liana

    One prob: I’ve never seen JLaw in an interview…