My ex-boyfriend and I broke up almost four months ago, and we had been really serious. There wasn’t really a reason for breaking up, it just sort of happened. Ever since then, he’s been really protective and jealous of everything. He admits that he doesn’t want me to be with anybody else, but he also says he doesn’t know if he still likes me. We still try and make plans to hang out, and we talk all the time. Sometimes he’s really sweet and he acts like he likes me, and then other times he’s really distant and moody. I still really like him, but I don’t know what he wants.
First off, I 110% guarantee that there was a reason why the two of you broke up. While it may not be apparent, solid relationships don’t just end at random. There was something going on that wasn’t working and led you two to go your separate ways. It may have been something neither of you wanted to say to the other, but trust me, there was absolutely a reason things ended. The sooner you ditch the idea of “there was no reason,” the sooner you can get on with your life.
Insofar as the behaviors of your ex are concerned, it’s clear that he is trying to have it both ways. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, but he also seems to be against giving you a clean and complete break. His jealously is the clearest sign of that, and if he really cared about you, he’d have the courtesy to just let you get on with your life and be happy that you’re finding a better match.
In many ways, all you need to know is that, like you said, “he doesn’t know if he likes you.” Do you really want lukewarm or wishy-washy love? Are you willing to settle for someone who isn’t quite sure if they like you, let alone love you? I doubt anyone spends their evenings dreaming of having a “I guess you’ll do” relationship.
What you really need to do is just make a complete and clean break from him – fast! The fact that you know how he feels about you seeing other people, and that is impacting your dating life shows you’re not moving on in a productive way. You hang out and make plans all the time, and this is all going to make it more difficult to get over him and truly start the process of moving on.
Here’s the painful reality: loneliness is a gateway to bad habits. That feeling that you won’t find someone else or that you might be single for a few months can become paralyzing and lead you to believe things were fine and you should get back together with your ex or hold out until he’s sure he actually likes you. We all do this at some point in our lives, and after that inevitable second break-up, you understand what you should have done from the start.
So forget about your relationship that failed – all that’s doing is making it more difficult for Mister Right to find you!
Best of luck!
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.