I’ve been pretty open about my hatred of Valentine’s Day. No, it’s not because I had a terrible one with an ex-boyfriend or have spent every February 14th as some lonely spinster. I just think it’s a dumb holiday that doesn’t really merit the celebration it gets. I love holidays, just not this one.
I really hate that V-Day is supposed to be a day where you have to celebrate your love for someone in a totally obnoxious way. If I love you, I’m going to love you the same on February 14th as every other day of the year, you know? If you share my hatred of Valentine’s Day, you’ll definitely relate these things:
1. The second V-Day stuff pops up in stores after New Year’s, you want to vomit.
It’s not even February! Why?!
2. The sight of pink and red everything makes you sick.
Thank you for ruining two perfectly fine colors. Three, if you count purple.
3. You think all of the oversized stuffed animals are absurd.
Do you really need a teddy bear the size of a Lexus? Come on.
4. You’re sick of all the heart-shaped things.
I saw heart-shaped sushi at the grocery store this week. No lie.
5. You know that Saint Valentine had nothing to do with love at all.
For real. There were several Valentines in history and rumor has it that *the* Saint Valentine performed marriages for Christians during the Roman Catholic Empire’s rule, but there’s no legit evidence connecting him to anything having to do with love. The only record is that he was buried on February 14th. Many poets, including Chaucer, started referring to Valentine’s Day in poems. Then in 1797, a British paper published pre-made poems as a way to send love notes, which evolved into the massive market of Valentines we have today. And that, friends, is the romantic tale of V-Day. Also, there was a Valentine’s Day massacre between gangs during the Prohibition Era that no one talks about.
6. And that it’s a total Hallmark holiday.
It’s literally a holiday solely for making money, and everyone falls for it.
7. You hate how overpriced everything is at restaurants.
Get out of here with your prix fixe menus.
8. Conversation hearts and V-Day chocolates are actually disgusting.
Conversation hearts taste like pure chalk. The chocolates branded specifically for Valentine’s have probably been in that heart-shaped box since 1998.
9. You can’t stand that every channel plays rom-coms and romance movies throughout pretty much all of February.
It’s highly unnecessary.
10. You don’t get why one day of the year is more special for love than every other day of the year.
11. Even if you’re in a relationship, you don’t like to celebrate V-Day.
This can be difficult if your boo actually *likes* the holiday. Shoutout to my bae! Sorry I’m the worst!
12. And if you’re single, people assume you’re sad and lonely on the 14th.
13. You don’t really know what to do if you’re just hooking up with someone.
Like do you voice that you hate V-Day because you don’t want them to do anything? But will that freak them out by making them think you want them to do something?
14. Over-the-top gestures make you really uncomfortable.
Please get some chill.
15. You don’t understand why people literally obsess over one day.
The people who make a big deal about V-Day scare me.
16. You cannot even with couples who display their love all up in your face on Valentine’s Day.
Aggressive PDA is annoying every day, but especially on this day.
17. You literally roll your eyes into your head over couples who Instagram all about their ~*love*~.
#gross #stop #youvebeendatingforaweek
18. Basically, you wish February 14th didn’t exist and can’t wait for February 15th.