Ask A Guy: How Do You Keep Him Interested Without Having Sex?

Hi Joel,

I’m in a relatively new relationship, but before I started dating this guy, I decided to be celibate for a period of time, and I was upfront about it. The guy says he is cool with waiting and supports me, and is willing to help me meet my goals, but I’m worried that he might get tired of waiting. What can I do to keep him around and interested?

Kudos to you for making that choice – and props to him for not making a big deal of your decision. His actions speak volumes about his character, and also shows that he’s really into you FOR YOU!

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with setting some boundaries from the get-go, and there is a ton to be said for putting off physical intimacy for a period of time. This helps to build a stronger emotional bond, and it makes those eventual acts of “getting it on” all the more meaningful.

To be honest, the fact that he didn’t mind your choice at all suggests that you won’t need to do much outside of normal relationship-type stuff to keep him around. It’s not like you have some secret agenda and are just shooting him down blindly when he tries to make advances. He knows what’s going on, and any problem he has with things is really his own doing. It doesn’t mean you can’t have constructive discussions about it as time goes on, but you’ve been clear on your wants, and he has agreed.

That all aside, there’s plenty of fun to be had between shaking hands and breaking whatever your particular vow of celibacy might be specifically. Unless you put down a complete and total no touch policy, there’s lots of physical interaction you can have. Even if it’s just holding hands quietly, cuddling on the couch, or even sleeping with each other in a G-rated fashion, don’t let a “no sex” mission remove all of the touching in your life.

If you’re truly worried that he’s going to go off and get off elsewhere, that’s another issue entirely. But my sense is that you’ve found yourself a quality guy who knows a great girl when he finds one. Enjoy exploring those deeper levels of getting to know someone, and when the time comes to end your celibacy, find a sound-proof room and hold on to something strong!

Best of luck!

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.


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  • Strolch Lumpi

    I hope you are worth waiting for. Don’t get me wrong, this is not about your looks or character as much as it is about life being a give and take. I think if you start a relationship with such a huge one-sided demand, you need to balance the equation. For your own sake as much as for his, mainly because you should avoid the temptation to pile on more and more demands or otherwise view your bargaining position as superior to his. That would otherwise break your relationship in the long run. Your patient boyfriend has his own needs and you should understand and respect them. Those needs are given to him by nature and if you are not ready to enter into this next phase of your life within the next few months, then you should set him free to find a partner that is ready for him. In time there will surely be another man there for you when you are ready.