The heart wants what it wants, and sometimes the heart wants a taken guy. When I was in high school, there was this super cute boy who was my best friend — and my secret crush. He was everything I found attractive all rolled into one person. But he had a girlfriend.
Despite that fact, I was determined to make him my BF. I ended up spending a year trying (and failing) to wait for him to leave his girlfriend for me. It was super terrible, and something I really, really regret. I stopped living my life because I was waiting for him to jump-start my “dream” relationship! Take note: never let a guy do that to you. Ever.
My crush was actually a pretty terrible person in the long run. He knew I liked him, and manipulated me into becoming invested in this fantasy relationship that would never be. Eventually, I called it quits. Sure, I was heartbroken. But I felt so much better about myself knowing that I wasn’t participating in a shady situation anymore.
So when I say I’ve been there, I mean it. I’ve totally been there. Let me take what I learned in that terrible situation and share some first-hand advice with all of you. Here’s what 5 of you wanted to know about crushing on a guy with a girlfriend.
He’s Giving Me Cues, But I’m Not The Only One In The Picture
I like this boy at school and I think he likes me, too…but he has a girlfriend. We have two classes together and every chance he gets, he touches my waist. One time, we walked through the halls together and he put his shoulder against mine and wouldn’t take it off. We have two other mutual friends who are girls, but I’m the only one he does this to. Do you think he likes me? LunaGreyWolf
He might, but that doesn’t mean it’s about to be a happily-ever-after. It sounds like he could be showing you unique affection, which may make you feel special. But he’s doing it behind his girlfriend’s back, which isn’t cool. He’s currently in a relationship, meaning he’s probably pretty pleased with his current girlfriend. If he isn’t pleased with his current situation, he shouldn’t be in the relationship! But that’s his call to make. And you shouldn’t get sucked into it.
I know it isn’t fun when the guy you like is taken. But you need to respect the boundaries of his current relationship status. Try to pull yourself away from the situations that cause you to feel tension. It will save you more heartache, but it will also save you the drama. Next time he gets close, ask yourself, “If he were my boyfriend, would I feel okay with him doing this with another girl?” If the answer is “no,” pull away. Even if it’s difficult to do now, you will thank yourself eventually.
I Want To Lose My Virginity To Him, But He’s Taken
I am 16 years old and I have never really been too sexually active. I’ve always wanted to wait for the right person. Lately, I’ve just been wanting to have sex and get it over with. I’m really close with my sister; she lives with her boyfriend, her best friend and her best friend’s boyfriend. I visit all of them about every other weekend, and my sister’s best friend’s boyfriend is really attractive. He’s 23, and he and his girlfriend are kind of on the rocks. I’ve been thinking lately about what it would be like to have sex with him. I know he has a girlfriend but she wouldn’t have to find out. I feel like we could just try it out and see what happens. Any comments? Anonymous
Yes, I definitely have comments! This sounds like a really bad situation that you should try your best to avoid. There are a lot of factors here that make this whole scenario a bad idea. First off, you shouldn’t feel any pressure to rush into having sex. When the time feels right, that’s when you should give it a go. But rushing into sex simply to get it over with is a bad idea. Seriously.
Secondly, the guy you like is currently in a relationship. By having a girlfriend, he’s basically agreeing to be with someone who isn’t you. That is a really harsh thing to hear, but it’s the truth. Coming to terms with that could help you with moving on.
And you really should be moving on because, three, the guy you are crushing on is quite a bit older than you. You being 16 (and underage) could result in this dude getting in some serious trouble with the law if you two hooked up in the next couple of years. It’s best to keep your distance with this one, girl.
He Kissed Me. And Then I Found Out His Relationship Status…
Where to start? I met a boy at university. He has been flirting with me, and taking me out for lunch and to the cinema. He even kissed me on several occasions. Then, I added him on Facebook and realized he has a girlfriend. His status is “in a relationship.” But he still continues to flirt with me and get my hopes up. I am feeling second best and used. I don’t know what to do. Help! Anonymous
This sounds like a really difficult and unfair situation. Let’s be clear: you didn’t know his relationship status before getting involved with the guy, so all of this is totally not your fault. You trusted that if he was showing interest in you (which he definitely was) that he was an available man. Finding out he’s in a relationship via social media is really terrible.
If you are feeling second best and used, it’s probably best to stop seeing this guy all together. It’s obvious he has little respect for his current relationship. What would it be like if you two ever did date? He also lied to you by omitting his taken status. He doesn’t seem like a guy who is keeping your best interests in mind, which is not what you want out of a significant other. You deserve an awesome guy who will respect you and treat you right — not a guy like this!
My Best Guy Friend Is Taken, But Wants To Try FWB Status.
My best friend and I have known each other since kindergarten. I’ve always liked him just a little, but I’ve never said anything. Now, we are juniors and he said he has had feelings for me for a while. I told him I had feelings for him, too. But he has a girlfriend, and they’ve been together for two years. He suggested we try being friends with “little” benefits. He explained that all we would do is hold hands. That’s it, no kissing at all. He explained that if we do this maybe we can figure out how we feel — but I think it’s mainly to figure our how he feels. But what do I do? Kathy
I think you’re right to say that his friends with benefits suggestion is mainly to figure out how he feels. But no matter if the arrangement is as seemingly innocent as holding hands, you two would still be going behind his current girlfriend’s back and showing some close affection. Even though this boy is your best friend, it seems like he is trying to lead you into some dangerous territory.
You don’t need to hold hands to figure out how you feel about each other. You both already openly admitted your attraction. If he really wants to make it work with you, he would tell his girlfriend that their relationship is no longer where his heart lies. He doesn’t need hand holding to decide that. If he doesn’t break it off with her, then you should steer clear from showing him any sort of romantic affection. Do you have to stop the friendship you’ve built with him? No. But watch your emotions and keep in mind what’s best for you. You deserve a boy who is invested in you and only you. Remember that.
I’ve Accepted His Taken Status … But Can We Be Friends?
I’ve liked a guy for a couple of months, but I just found out yesterday that he has a girlfriend. I’ve accepted that, but I still want to try for just a friendship. I really don’t want any kind of drama. I don’t want his girlfriend to be uncomfortable with it, either. I completely respect their relationship. I’ve never met her, but I assume that if she makes him happy and has done so for the last two years that she’s a good person. I don’t want anyone to get hurt in this. Is it okay to keep going for the friendship? Morgana5953
You have a really mature and realistic outlook on this situation, which is awesome! You seem very aware of all the players and their feelings, which is also super important. All that being said, I would totally go for the friendship. But do it cautiously.
If you’re crushing on the guy, it’s obvious that he’s someone you’d like to get to know better. But in developing a friendship, keep a grasp on the awareness that you have right now. If you find yourself holding yourself back from other relationships hoping that being his friend will turn into more, then it’s time to reevaluate your true intentions. And if your friendship seems to be turning to flirting or a FWB situation while he’s still taken, you obviously need to pull back. Not only for the sake of his current relationship, but for yourself.
What do you do when your crush has a significant other already? What advice do you have for these girls in sticky situations? Let me know in the comments below!