Ask A Guy: Would A Guy Kiss You If He Didn’t Like You?

Hi Joel,

I spent the night with one of my guy friends, and things ended up getting kind of heated. Before anything happened, he talked about how he is not the kind of guy to play girls. He even kissed me after looking into my eyes for a while. But ever since that night, he has been slowly slipping away. He completely stopped texting me back, but every time I run into him, he gives me a warm smile and a hug. He has yet to bring up what happened that night. Should I assume he doesn’t want to be friends anymore or am I over-reacting? Do guys kiss girls they don’t like?

Let me answer your question in reverse. Do guys kiss girls they don’t like? Yes, all the time. And it works the other way too, with girls getting physical with guys they may not necessarily like like. While Hollywood might want you to think differently, sometimes the moment is just right and lips connect, while no “like” is involved. This basic idea is the same thing whether it’s just some making out or a full-on one night stand.

Speaking directly to what happened that evening, here’s another un-fun fact: most guys will say anything to get some action. Seriously. From lying about the kind of car they drive to making up stories about how sensitive they are, if it means they get to get some, they won’t mind stretching the truth. This isn’t always the case, but any guy who says they aren’t a player? Yeah, they’re most likely players – or at least trying to be.

If it’s not a one-night-stand scenario, it sounds like at the very least, you have a scared, nervous boy on your hands; and he doesn’t know what to do with his feelings. Especially if he’s younger (read as: under 25), hooking up can make a guy get a bit uncomfortable. If he starts feeling things in his heart or brain, it may make him want to go run and hide and pretend it never happened. This explains him distancing himself from you, as well as his overall avoidance of what happened that night. This is only multiplied depending on how far things went. But even if it was just some making out, it can be enough to send a scared boy running into the night.

If you really like him and want to try for something real with him, find a time when it’s just the two of you and discuss what happened that night. Let him know how much you like him, and see how he reacts. If he’s not into it, well, he’s not into it.

But if he’s already gone ahead and pulled a kiss-and-run, you can probably do a lot better, so don’t let yourself feel like he’s your only option. There are plenty of amazing guys just waiting to be a part of your life, so don’t settle for anything less than the best!

Best of luck!

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.


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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • Eli

    Oh gURL, this has happened to me. Just last semester at college. We “hung out”/dated a couple times & had a make-out sesh. But I swore we were just maybe 3 dates away from a title because we got close to a level I never would have thought any couple would reach unless they actually liked each other. There was no way he didn’t like me. But after the make-out session? It was horrible. No texts, no calls, no nothing. Ran into him once, he said his phone was broken. I let it go. He acted like none of it happened. It just stayed that way and it’s upsetting because basically I was led on but I agree with Joel when he states that guys will say/do almost anything. Even wait… because it was a while before we did it (I’m not that kind of girl at all.) Truth is you can never tell. Now after that it’ll be 2 years with a guy and I’ll probably still think he’s faking it. Blew my mind.

  • Vanessa

    Hey Joel,
    I already asked this question btw, but I’m doing it again in case the last one didn’t go through. Anyway, there’s this guy that is popular who asked for my number. I said no because I thought he was just doing it as a joke, as I am the butt of jokes a lot because I’m unpopular and geeky. But since then, he asks to borrow a pencil every day in class, and he doesn’t ask anyone but me. One time, he actually already had a pencil on his desk! Is he just kidding around or is trying to find an excuse to talk to me? Do you think he might like me?

  • Vanessa Tan

    Yes, Joel Freimark,
    I agree with you in this case. Well, I think men are more visually-driven than women and most guys will go straight and kiss a girl if she also agree with that regardless their actual affectition for her.
    Here is my new posts, hope that you find it interesting:

    • Rose

      girl yes, that was helpful. Mine is this guy always wanting to take me out, and we always kiss! I made it clear that am ready for sex maybe till I say yes. So he takes me out and kisses me but has never asked for a relationship. Isn’t that a good player!