Every once in a while, I get irrationally angry that my boyfriend doesn’t understand what my PMS symptoms feel like. When I’m crying about nothing, or starting a fight over something ridiculous, or flip-flopping between both moods, and he’s sitting there staring at me with a baffled expression on his face, I feel incredibly frustrated at the thought that he just doesn’t get it. And then I think, hey, Jessica, you’re being unfair – how would he know what this feels like?
Dudes don’t know what periods are like, and they never will. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t think about it, or have some ideas of their own about what it’s like. In a recent Ask Reddit thread, someone asked what men think periods are like just because she “thought my fellow women would get a kick out of some of these answers.” She was so very, very right. While some of these guys actually managed to hit the nail on the head, most of them just gave a really amusing response. Here are 18 of the funniest things guys think about periods.
1. Postflop: Like how your head feels when you’re sick. But your nose is a vagina.
2. monty20python: I imagine it’s like your ovaries going to war in your uterus and one of them launches a nuke, then the blood and flesh of the fallen seep out through a hole in the crater at the worst possible time.
3. tywjust: Judging from the tampon commercials it feels like a day at the spa that makes you want to dance around on the beach in slow motion and play sports with your friends.
4. EyesEarsMouthAndNose: Galoshy in the swampy region. Kind of like when you have a wet fart that lubricates deep between your butt cheeks. Except with a period, it all happens in your front butt.
5. RedHuntingHat: It feels like your uterus walked downstairs and missed the last step.
6. danitykane: In my head I always imagined it was this dull ache that was constant you until, for seemingly no reason, everything cramps up and it’s like getting kicked in the groin.
7. Yann4: Utter terror that at some point; you will sneeze.
8. ObamaBigBlackCaucus: Until I was about 15 I thought it was like a waterfall of blood and that the tampon was used to plug said waterfall. I am not a smart man.
9. Boukish: So you overdid crunches today and now your lower abs are sore something fierce. And you also, inexplicably, drank a cup of taco bell’s fire sauce. Nature’s calling, but you’re holding it in, which hurts your achy abs even more. Oh, and you can’t poop it out. It just leaks out slowly until it’s done.
10. tryagain420: This is gonna be good, I’m getting a snack.
11. DrNick2012: Horrible. For starters, the leakage. No matter what sanitary pad/tampon I would be using I would be extremely paranoid it wasn’t enough. Then what’s actually happening, the lining of the uterus is expelling itself through your vagina, not only do I assume this is painful, but very, very discomforting. Then the self consciousness “can other ppl smell it?” “That person giggling, are they seeing a blood spot on me?”, seriously, I would f****** hate it.
12. rilanator: My idea of a period is that there’s like this really bad cramp, like your insides are coming apart, while you feel bits of your body flowing out. Like you are constantly peeing yourself, but you can feel where the pee is coming from, and can feel it peeling off.
13. Ontolodox: Someone punched me in the gut. Someone kicked me in the gut. Someone is twisting my gut like a pretzel, again and again and again. I WILL BLEED ON EVERYTHING YOU LOVE IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT ME!!!
14. Kanuck_Kyle: Like being a samurai and dying on your sword
15. HogBomber2001: i always thought my period cramps felt like the way a thunderstorm looks/sounds. the way they come in and fade out. does that make sense to anyone else?
16. soomuchcoffee: I think it’s like knowing you are about to fail a test, or go on stage an do comedy but bomb on a legendary scale. You wake up in the morning and you’re like “Jesus here we go.” You know it’s going to happen, but you are stuck. You must bomb. You see people in your casual life and you try to be nice, but everything you say to them you have to repress the “F***THIS F****** SHIT” instinct going on in your head.
17. stole_a_nuka_cola: You know when you stretch your foot out wrong and it gets horribly cramped? Yeah, that but inside your groin. shudder
18. weneedaweedeater: Like you peed your pants slowly for five days while someone shoves gardening shears into your gut.
Which of these answers did you think was the funniest? How would you describe your period? What did we forget? Tell me in the comments.