When I was in high school, I dated a guy who hated all of my friends. Going into our relationship, I knew that he didn’t get along with the people I hung out with, and I also knew that it would make things harder for us. I liked him a lot, and so I figured I could make it work. I promised myself that I wouldn’t be “that girl” and ditch my friends for my boyfriend.
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what I did.
Things started off okay. I would hang out with my friends on my own, and my boyfriend would just make fun of them later on until I asked him to stop. It was a bummer that I couldn’t bring him anywhere, but I dealt with it. Then it started getting worse. He started getting mad at me for hanging out with them. If I told him I couldn’t see him because I had plans with them, he would pout and complain and make me feel bad. He began talking about them all the time, saying really awful things and trying to convince me to ditch them. I was in love and stuck in a very awkward position.
After a while, his constant talk about my friends really got me down. I started second guessing our friendship, and believing the things he said to me. Sometimes, blowing them off to be with him was worth it just so we wouldn’t fight. I slowly started losing touch with them, and suddenly, he was the only friend I had left.
Having no friends felt AWFUL. I missed my old besties, and I was constantly feeling lonely and out of touch. I loved my boyfriend, but I hated that I couldn’t have my friends around too. It was the worst! To make a long story short, I eventually realized I was being an idiot, and I apologized to my friends and got them back. And now I will never, ever make that same mistake again.
If you know what this situation feels like, keep reading. Dealing with a significant other who doesn’t like your friends is really, really difficult, but not impossible. Here are 8 tips on how to deal when your boyfriend hates your friends:
Find Out The Exact Reason Why He Doesn't Like ThemTalk to your boyfriend and ask him for the exact, real reason why he doesn't like your friends. Is it a valid answer? If he doesn't like them because of the way they treat you, maybe there's something going on there that you can't see or don't want to admit. But if he doesn't like them because he just doesn't get along with them, that's not really your problem. Couples don't have to like all the same people! If he can't give you answer, he might just be jealous of the fact that they get to spend time with you too, and that's not okay - in fact, it could even be a sign of controlling behavior. You need to figure out what's going on in his head. Source: ShutterStock
Be Honest With Him About How You FeelYou have to be honest with your boyfriend about this. Don't feel like you have to agree with him just because you're dating - you definitely don't! And don't feel like you have to lie and say you won't see them, then hang out with them behind his back. Doing stuff like that is never good for a relationship. Instead, be truthful about how it makes you feel. Source: ShutterStock
Try To Get Them To Get AlongUnless something really bad happened between them, try to see if you can change your boyfriend's mind about your friends. Maybe he just doesn't know them well enough. Plan a big group hang so he can get to know them in a different setting and see what happens. Maybe he'll have a good time and change his mind, or decide he can tolerate them. Source; ShutterStock
But Don't Force Things If It's Not WorkingIf you plan a hangout sesh, ask your boyfriend how he feels afterwards. If he still doesn't like them, don't push it. You can't force them to get along, and you shouldn't try to - it will only put a strain on your relationship. Either accept the fact that he doesn't like them, or make a choice between him and them. Source: ShutterStock
Don't Ditch Your Friends Just For HimPlease don't make the same mistake I did. I ditched my friends just because my boyfriend didn't like them, and he was making me feel the same way. I always regret that decision. Your friends are so important, and they're the people that will (hopefully) be there for you if he isn't. You should never throw away your friends for a relationship unless it is genuinely what you want. Source: ShutterStock
Keep Your Friend Life and BF Life SeparateAccept the fact that your BF and BFF will never be close, and just keep your friend life and relationship life separate from each other. Pick certain days of the week when you see your friends, and certain days when you see him. Don't talk about them to him. Don't invite him along if you know they'll be there unless you have to. Source: ShutterStock
Don't Talk To Your Friends About ItIt's probably not a great idea to go to your best friend and be like, "Yeah, my boyfriend kind of hates you." That's going to cause a lot of tension, and will make things awkward between you and your bestie. Instead, try to avoid the topic. I don't usually condone lying, but sometimes it's best to just tell white lies so you don't hurt people for no reason. Source: SHutterStock
Don't Let Him Control Your BehaviorIf your boyfriend starts trying to make you feel guilty for hanging out with your friends, or tries manipulating you into doing what he wants, get out of that relationship. That's controlling behavior, and it's not fair to you. You deserve someone who will accept your friends, and not try to dictate how you spend your time or who you spend it with. Source; SHutterStock
Have you ever dated someone who hated your friends? What would you do if that happened? Tell me in the comments.