Ask A Guy: How Can You Be Just Friends With A Guy?


Haley and Lucas ALWAYS managed to be good friends.

Dear Joel,

How can I maintain a friendship with a guy? I am single and I really enjoy my freedom to hang out with anyone. It seems that in most cases, guys always end up falling for me or expecting more than a friendship, although I have told them in the first place that I am not interested to be more than friends. After that, they distance themselves and we no longer become close friends, although we have known each other for years. I lost some good friends because of this and it makes me so upset and angry! They are so selfish, getting close thinking they might have a chance and afterwards leaving feeling hurt when it did not work out. Why do guys do this? Girls have feelings too.

First and foremost, it’s great that you understand what you want right now in life, and there’s no reason you should compromise that for anything. If you just want guys to hang out with and be friends, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it’s 110% their problem for not being able to handle that.

You are exactly right in that these guys are being completely selfish, and it unfortunately comes down to one thing about guys. Most guys are a bit more than cocky in these sorts of situations; thinking that they will be able to change your mind because they are SO charming and amazing. As frustrating as it is to hear, many guys just can’t wrap their head around the idea that someone would literally want to be just friends, if not great friends. Especially in their teens and twenties, most guys can’t grasp the concept of plutonic friendship.

More to the point, when they don’t succeed in this (even though you told them they wouldn’t from the start), their distancing and dropping you is basically the same as a 5 year old taking his ball and going home. Nobody handles rejection well, and younger guys handle it worse than anyone.

So what can you do? Sadly, not much aside from keep going through the process, and hopefully you’ll find a guy that is cool with just being friends. Most of my closest friends are women, and I wouldn’t trade those friendships for the world. Once guys get over themselves and are able to get past the need for a physical relationship with every girl they meet, they begin to find the value in actual, real friendship.

In short: boys are dumb, and all you can do is stay the course and wait for a real friend to come along… and he will.

Best of luck!

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.


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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • bab

    *~*subscribe for more soft heteronormativity*~*

  • Bunnie

    I really like that typo. Plutonic friendship should totally be a thing.