You should already know by now that vintage ads can be next level weird. At best they’re a little eyebrow raising, at worst they’re flat out racist, sexist, everything-else-ist, etc. Still, these ads are important and fascinating because it gives us a look at the social norms at the time, for better or for worse.
Speaking of social norms, you’re going to wonder what the hell they were back in the day when you take a look at these 10 weird vintage underwear ads. From the tackiest of ’70s glamor to the sexualization of car accidents (yeah, seriously), you’ll definitely find something to side eye.
Get Hit By A Car In StyleThis ad straight up says, "My mother always told me to wear pretty panties in case I get hit by a car." Listen, we've all heard of the ol' saying about wearing clean underwear in case you get into some sort of tragic accident (also weird), but I'm sure that your thoughts when you get hit by a car aren't "Wow, I sure hope I'm wearing my cute undies today." They're probably more along the lines of "OUCH OUCH OUCH I HOPE I DON'T DIE OUCH." Photo source: Pinterest
A Family AffairSo here's the deal: A lot of products we use are used by us because our parents use them. And our parents' parents might have used them, too. So it makes sense that this company would rely on that concept for this ad. Too bad it just ended up looking like the most awkward Sears family portrait ever. Photo source: AdStrategy
Bless The '70sHonestly, where to start...could delve into the pornstach or the fact that the dude on the right made sure to protect his knees at the very least during this little roller skating venture. Or we can discuss WTF is going on with their underwear. Funtawear or nah? Photo source: Pinterest
Gun Safety Done WrongUm...okay. I get that this ad is showing how nice and snug these undies are but I'm sure there was a way to do this without showing a child putting a gun in his underwear. But okay, Jockey, okay. Photo source: Pinterest
Girdles Never Looked So ComfyThere's nothing like a good girdle ad with a side of unnecessary sexist BS. Also, as one Buzzed writer pointed out, why the hell is this caveman wearing Roman style sandals? Photo source: Buzzfeed
Sweaty Peen AlertWhether you're anti-fur or would love to wrap up in a lush fur coat, can we all agree that mink underwear should never exist. Like, ever? The best thing about this ad is that these undies are described as "erotic" and read for "hard n' heavy" action. Okay, cool, but on what planet, though? Just need to know so that I stay as far away from it as possible. Photo source: Pinterest
MY ANACONDA DON'T...If you think that a love for butts is new, think again. Of course, this is referring to the American definition of fanny. If you're from the UK however...haha, yeah, different kind of fanny, guys. Photo source: Pinterest
What's Going On Here?Okay, so we have He-Man holding a crying child chillin' with a woman who is incredibly excited about feathers. If you think that the french explains anything in this ad, you thought wrong. Photo source: Pinterest
ALL OF THE UNDERWEARHonestly the only weird thing about this is the woman's expression. Nobody should be that amped about underwear. Photo source: Pinterest
Musical PantiesThis is weird in the coolest way: This ad is selling a pair of granny panties with a record. So basically you can get your gigantic undies and rock out to Elvis at the same time. What a deal! Photo source: Pinterest
Which of these ads were the weirdest in your opinion? Does the word panties make you want to vom? Tell us in the comments!