Ask A Guy: How To Deal When He Gets Angry And Ignores You

Dear Joel,

Last week, my boyfriend got mad at me for something so petty, and hasn’t spoken to me since. He hasn’t deleted me or blocked me on social media or anything. I know he still reads my messages, but he just won’t answer. What does this mean? Is this a sign he’s controlling? What should I do? I have reached out so many times and in so many ways. Please help.

While women are impossible for guys to understand in pretty much every way possible, there are a handful of things about guys that make absolutely no sense. This happens to be one of them, and it’s a very common occurrence.

One of the main factors leading to this is that even in 2015, society still doesn’t really teach guys how to deal with any emotion aside from VERY happy and angry. More to the point, most guys can’t understand or recognize what they’re feeling, and that makes dealing with the emotions even harder. Things like love make things very tricky, and learning to actually be a man and express yourself to someone is a big stepping stone some guys never reach.

That’s not to say he is in any way right for what he’s doing, but that’s probably the cause behind it. It’s more likely just him being incapable of dealing with strong emotions, as opposed to him being a control freak, and his instinct is to just turn off completely and hide.

So now that you understand you’re dealing with someone who can’t properly cope with their emotions, it should make a bit more sense why he hasn’t removed you from his internet life, and why he’s not completely ignoring you. It’s unlikely he’s really mad anymore, but doesn’t know how to swallow his pride and patch things up.

You really have two choices: wait or walk.

If you really care about him (I mean REALLY care), I’d set a limit on how much longer you’re willing to let him be childish, and stick to it when that time comes. To be perfectly honest, I think you’re already past a reasonable point, especially if the initial issue was so petty. I’d just stop texting, calling, etc, as all that does is feed into him wanting your attention without giving anything in return.

The other option is to just forget him and move on. There are plenty of mature guys on this planet who know how to communicate and handle their emotions, and even when they get upset, they can express it and deal with it in a timely manner.

You just need to decide whether you’re willing to date someone who essentially throws temper tantrums, or whether you’d prefer to date someone more comfortable in who they are that can also be a mature person.

Best of luck!

Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.


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  • Andrea Angeles

    Well that’s happening to me right now. I went out with friends and wasn’t able to send a photo of myself and my friends for him to see you know. Idk why. He was so mad and just stop talking to me. I have explained te reason but still. He hasnt blocked or anything he’s just not online for almost 2 Days now. Idk why. I told him already that if he doesn’t want to be with me or if he likes someone else, he doesn’t have to do this silent treatment and that he may leave and have closure and still he hasn’t talked to me or whatever. He told me befofe that it’s hard for him to deal with arguments and emotions. I called him many times already. Idk I haven’t talked to him in a day..

  • Say

    m a girl in love with a boy since childhood…our relationship is one of the most sweetest…but since one year he IS TOTALLY BLIND IN HIS ANGER…ACTUALLY HE IS SOMeONE WID A VRY SHORT TEMPER…BUT THE PROBLEM IS VERY SMALL THINGS OFFEND HIM SO MUCH AND REALLY I CANT SEE HIM IN TENSION OR BEING UPSET SO M THE ONE TO ASK HIM ABT HIS PRBLMS N GIV MY BEST TO MAKE HIM HAPPY EVERYTIME…AN IN RETURN..I GET A WHOLE LOT OF ABUSIVE AND VERY HURTFUL THINGS FROM HIM…recently..two days ago he said me he doesnt even care if i die…i am lost..honestly speaking…there is no day when i dont cry like hell nd go to sleep..but i cant really afford to loose him jst becoz..he really loves me..when he is not angry..he makes me feel dat..but every alternate day he turns into devil.and ya he broke up with me two to three times..and everytime it was me who cudnt stay longer and ran to him pleading him to come back..all i want is he sheds away this behavior and stops taking me so for granted…coz i know his heart…he is of pure heart..wid no intention of cheating me..and he really loves me..i know all this is jst too early for teenagers…but cant help it….i really love him a damn lot !!!..please help me….i am in the verge of going insane coz he is the one whom I respect the most…and now he is the one who disrespects me the most and insults my feeling..but when he is not angry he is totally a different person…i really need help…and i really cant leave him…is there no way out to cure his anger ?..or wud i have to bear it all my life ?

  • Robin

    My boyfriend is over 60 years old and STILL does this. He will ignore me for days, weeks, even months. Once was for over 4 months where he just refused to answer any emails, phone calls, etc. I have told him please, please, please do not do this. If you need space to think about something, please just tell me you need time, so that I understand where you are at. He’ll agree and maybe do it a little, but then go back to ignoring me completely without really telling me. It is incredibly emotionally draining. It has been almost 5 years that I have been dealing with this. I have been hoping that he will “grow out” of it. At over 60 years old, it is a total joke. So, I do agree, some men NEVER learn how to deal and interpret their emotions (and he refuses to see a therapist). I have just about had enough. 🙁

    • disqus_dWaVB3R2kK

      This is exactly, what I have. My bf is also over 60 & does the same thing. At the moment it has been just over a month. He won’t answer my calls or texts, but logs on immediately to read any whatsapp messages I send him. So frustrating! I just don’t understand why??

      • Tiffany Edwards

        My boyfriend does this too he is reading my messages but it’s been 2 weeks and still no phone call he got mad that I told him he’s a ***cked up person for ignoring me