Should You Be Mad At Your Best Friend For Dating Your Crush?

Hey Heather,

One of my bestest friends has known my crush for a while now, and she has known that I like him. This past week, she started dating my crush without telling me, and I heard the news from my crush. I was completely heartbroken that my friend couldn’t even tell me herself. My crush told me to not be mad at them and that I should let it go. Truthfully, I just want to stop being friends with both of them. Advice?

I’m so sorry your friend and your crush did this to you! It sounds like they’re trying to act like they didn’t do anything wrong, and it also sounds like your BFF is doing nothing to salvage your friendship. She’s not being a good friend right now – she’s acting really selfish, and it’s not something you should feel like you have to brush off like it’s no big deal. It is a big deal! 

The fact is, your friend betrayed you by going behind your back and doing something she knew would hurt you. After she did that, she didn’t even have the guts to tell you about it – she made her new boyfriend, your crush, do her dirty work. That’s wrong on so many levels. It sounds like she hasn’t been a good friend to you in a while. Best friends definitely don’t treat each other this way.

You have every right to be mad, and I can also completely understand why you don’t want to be friends with them anymore. You deserve a real apology from your friend – from HER, not her boyfriend. But I totally get where you’re coming from: when I was in high school, my best friend went behind my back and started dating my crush when I went on vacation. It was the worst feeling in the world, and I was so mad and hurt that I stopped being friends with her. It was really hard, and I missed her for years after that. So, I get why you’re hesitant and confused about what to do.

Here’s what I would tell you to do: have a serious talk with your friend. Tell her exactly how you feel and don’t be afraid to get emotional or angry with her. Let her know just how much she hurt you, and don’t hold back. You need to be honest with her. See what she says. If she seems genuinely sorry and wants to fix things, you can work on that if you want. But if she seems defensive, angry or mean, get out of the friendship – she’s not worth it.

If you decide after the talk that you don’t want to lose her friendship forever, I still think you should take a little break from her. Give yourself some time to get over this and move on from your crush. Work on things with your friend when you’re ready.

Honestly though, you may be better off without her in your life. True friends don’t do things like this to each other, and if you can’t trust her, it’s going to make things really hard. You should find friends who treat you with the respect you deserve. Good luck and I hope you feel better!

take care,

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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