We’ve all been through sex ed, right? Well, I hope so. Anyway, whether you learned a bootleg version that just told you about periods and abstinence and nothing more or you got into the nitty gritty of the great big world of sex…sex ed can be pretty awkward. Look, we’re all a little more immature than we’d like to think, so it’s hard to hold back a cringe and a giggle when your teacher speaks frankly about wet dreams.
With all that said, consider yourselves lucky because at sex ed back in the day was a lot worse and ten times more cringe worthy. From awkward approaches to periods to straight up offensive advice, check out these seven awkward vintage sex ed lessons
Puberty Is A Great Time For Gay Dudes To Hit You UpUnfortunately it was pretty routine for fear mongering videos about gay dudes to accompany sex ed lessons for teen boys. Seriously, check out this awful, outdated film called Boys Beware below. It perpetuated the idea that all gay dudes are deviants who want to lure teen boys into their car for sexy times. Um, pretty sure that anyone who does that is a sexual predator, regardless of their sexual orientation. To make this even more cringe worthy, this film was made at a time when homosexuality was considered a psychiatric disease. Ugh.
If You Have Your Period Don't Go In Your Boo's carAccording to a book from 1917 called Woman and Her Sex And Love Life, girls should never risk going in a car during her time of the month. It states, “The womb is congested during the period, is larger and heavier than normal… Automobile riding and railroad and carriage traveling prove injurious in some instances, greatly increasing the flow of blood.” Um, the only dangers come from sitting down for a long time then standing up and experiencing a waterfall of blood out of your vagina...but this happens regardless of travel. Also, I'm pretty sure that a lot of us would have zero social life if we just avoided going into cars during our time of the month.
It's Cool To Masturbate, Just Make Sure To Talk About It In Depth With MomOkay, it's surprising that so many sex ed videos in the 50s and 60s were pretty accepting of masturbation and weren't spreading the notion that rubbing your penis will cause you to get struck by lightning. But some videos took its acceptance of jacking off to a whole new level. In the video below, a mom walks in on her son, Ricky, masturbating and proceeds to spend too long apologizing, asks him if it felt good and assures him that they'll talk about this at another time. Like...you could have stopped at the apology.
It's Okay To Shower During Your Period But Don't Try To Square DanceThere's a lot of weird period advice other than avoiding cars. An old wive's tale also suggests not getting your feet wet during your period either. But check out the above still from a '50s sex ed for girls video. some of the dos are obvious, like washing...but check out the last one in the dos category: Picnicking. Uh, good to know? The "do moderately" section is even funnier and includes skating, horseback riding and, yes, square dancing. So you can do all of those things but don't do it too much or else.
Wear Your Nicest Clothes During Your PeriodThe same aforementioned video stressed the importance of dressing up during your period. The stern teacher says, "Pay more attention toyour hair and your nails an plan to wear your prettiest dress. In other words, be your most attractive self!" Listen, I'm all about doing little things to feel good about yourself during your period. Getting dressed up definitely works for some people. But uh, as a rule? Ha! Ha ha...ha ha ha...ha. No. The idea of wearing my nicest clothes when blood is pouring out of my vag and messes up all my undies is horrific. An oversized sweatshirt will do.
Too Many Sperms Are A Big ProblemOther than the stiff, awkward acting, this video is pretty straight forward about the reality of dudes going through puberty. But some bits definitely neglect to clarify some facts. For example, one kid asks if it's possible to have too much sperm. His teacher proceeds to tell him that he can get rid of it while masturbating. Uh, true, but...there's no such thing as too much sperm. Er...
Which of these tips and lessons were the weirdest in your opinion? Which sound a little too much like your school’s awful sex ed program? Tell us in the comments! You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!