I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. I’ve been wishing that he would make the first move to initiate oral sex (you know, ask me to go down on him), but he hasn’t and has never asked for it or even tried to do it for me either. I don’t do well with initiating sexual things on my own. I’m afraid to bring it up, because I don’t really know how he feels about it. I know that neither of us are that experienced, so I understand why he would be uncomfortable. I’m afraid of how he’ll react if I don’t bring it up the right way. I like when the guy initiates things, that makes me feel more comfortable. I guess I just want some suggestions on how to initiate oral sex without it being too awkward.
First and foremost, communication is vital to the survival of any relationship, and there are few places more important for that open and free conversation than in the bedroom. If you’re not feeling fulfilled or you’re concerned that there is some level of disconnect when you’re being intimate, then you need to address it. Your relationship isn’t new, and it’s not like you’re asking to bring farm animals into the bedroom, so there’s no real need to worry about freaking him out.
Honestly, there could be a number of reasons he hasn’t initiated anything, and it could be as simple as he’s just as nervous as you are about what your reaction might be. Maybe he had a bad experience in the past or for some reason just doesn’t enjoy oral sex. Maybe he’s just so satisfied and happy with what you ARE doing that it hasn’t occurred to him to explore other options. Or maybe he noticed you didn’t initiate anything, and is trying to be quietly respectful of a boundary he thinks you have. Like I said, without direct communication, it’s impossible to know what’s really going on in his head.
If you want things to move in a different direction and you’ve given it time, I think it’s all on you. It’s not the ’50s where the man has to lead everything in some pointless display of chauvinism. If you want something, make it happen! Start by giving YOURSELF permission to be fulfilled sexually and permission to be more aggressive about it. Once you’re comfortable with that, just go for it the next time you’re in an intimate situation. If you make the move, all the answers you’re looking for will be immediately answered. Also, assuming he loves it (he will), it opens the door for some sort of “return the favor” type comment. Oral sex is a two-way street, so make sure you’re getting yours!
Time in the bedroom can be a very sensitive thing to discuss, but once you open that door for conversation, it makes everything after much easier to deal with. Know that you have every right to please and be pleased as you want, so my best advice is to just go blow his mind and see where things go from there!
Best of luck!
Joel Freimark has done a lot in life and seen even more. From last minute international travel to bizarre places to writing award winning books, he’s here to bring his wisdom to all your problems. He hosts a weekly advice series on Youtube and a music series also on YouTube.. No question is too outrageous or personal, so go ahead and fire away! Follow him on Twitter.