While I hope for equality between the sexes on every level, I think it is very accurate to say that the dating world is really different for males and females. According to basic societal rules, guys are the ones who are supposed to be making the first move, winning the girl over, and coming off as strong and confident rather than meek and nervous. Girls aren’t supposed to say exactly what we feel (we’re “supposed to be” mysterious) and we shouldn’t hook up too soon. We should be nice and polite, but it’s also pretty socially acceptable for us to laugh in a dude’s face while rejecting him, while if a guy did that, he would be labeled as a total jerk.
Of course, there are are plenty of people who try to discourage us from following these “rules.” Here at Gurl, we’re always encouraging you guys to make the first move, treat people with respect, and explore your sexuality without the fear of labels. But that doesn’t mean that guys don’t have a different perspective on dating than we do. This Ask Men Reddit thread explores that, and it’s really interesting to see how the opposite sex feels about relationships. Here are 12 things guys think about dating that they think girls just can’t understand:
How Much Rejection They Have To Deal WithZoneghostMale: Two things: Just how rare it is for the man to be messaged first (unless he looks like Adonis), combined with the shocking rate of rejections that men get. That men find dating as stressful as women. The thing that was discussed the most in this thread was the amount of rejection guys deal with. Like I said before, I do think a lot of girls assume guys don't take rejection as hard as we do. But it seems like they actually do, so it's definitely something to keep in mind. Source: ShutterStock
Guys Can Be Just As Shy and Nervous As GirlsBrandoPB: It's pretty likely we are just as nervous, shy, and self conscious as you are. Just because we're supposed to be assertive and "manly" doesn't mean we necessarily are. We're told to fake it until we make it. Being a male doesn't automatically mean you're confident and self-assured. Source: ShutterStock
The Overwhelming Pressure To Always Make A Move Is RealTheBlindCat: That the overwhelming majority of women will not do anything that resembles a first move. And that "obvious hints" such as eye contact, smiling, and playing with hair are not obvious at all. I've never made the first move, and I don't know many girls who do, so I have to give guys props for taking that step most of the time. I'm sure it can be difficult to do that, plus try to figure out the "signs" we give them because we're too nervous to show our actual feelings. Source: ShutterStock
How Guys Really Do Put Effort Into DatesMorsMilesMale: The amount of planning that goes into dates and all the trial and error that goes into wooing a girl. Dating as a guy can be like groundhog's day sometimes, where you keep repeating everything until you get to the part where you think you fucked up and then fix it. It didn't "just happen", it was meticulously planned out. I admit that this statement did come as surprising to me - I just assumed that dudes knew what to do. Source: ShutterStock
Guys Don't Actually Like To Play Hard-To-Getendernyc: That explicitly deciding not to text a guy for a week, hoping he'll text you, in order to gauge his interest just makes her look disinterested. You never want to seem like you're not interested at all - that will backfire. This is proof. Source: ShutterStock
It's Hard To Make A Move When Guys Don't Know Where They Standn0ggyMale: Many girls complain (understandably) about unwanted attention and ask guys to only ask out girls who are interested. Thing is : most girls don't give any sign of interest. If we want to find someone, we have to risk invading people's space (that doesn't mean insisting of course). It's unfortunate but I'm not willing to give up on relationships just because girls don't like being hit on when they're out with some friends. I read this complaint a lot within the thread - guys don't understand the signals girls give, and girls are too quick to get angry about unwanted attention. But at the same time, if guys didn't try, they feel girls wouldn't try, and then no one would get anywhere. What it sounds like is a whole lot of miscommunication, and it seems like we all need to be a little more honest. Source: ShutterStock
How Easy It Is To Be Labeled As Creepydaktardoom: How many women seem oblivious to their hypocrisy of dubbing men creeps and potential rapists, where in the exact same situation a handsome guy would be dubbed sexy and mysterious. (come up in conversation plenty of times when I responded to the way they talked about men in the same venue) One thing I learned from this Reddit thread? Guys HATE being called creepy. It is their worst fear. Source: ShutterStock
The Pain of Not Being Able To Afford A DatepizzaISpizza: The whole concept of wanting to ask a girl out, having the courage to ask a girl out, but not being able to because you can't afford to. Oof. Even though many women are willing to pay for dates, guys either don't realize that, or they just don't want them to. Source: ShutterStock
Guys Want Certain Things From Relationships TooCygnus_X: Men are actually looking to get things out of the relationship. A lot of women I have been around seem to have this romance novel fantasy that some guy will come along and just whisk her off her feet. The idea is he'll just show up out of the blue and gift her with exotic travel, fancy dinners, nights out on the town, chocolate, flowers, and all that jazz..... and in return, she doesn't have to do anything at all but be herself. That's not fair to guys. I think that's a pretty valid complaint. Source: ShutterStock
Breakups Are Hard For Guys TooXstream3: I'm pretty sure a breakup is harder for the dude 99% of the time. We don't have a whole hoard of friends to get emotional support from AND we don't have tons of "friends" waiting to f*** us the second we're out of a relationship. I'm going to ignore that last stupid sentence (seriously, WTF dude?), and say that yeah, it must be hard to go through a breakup as a guy when you're not supposed to show any emotion. Source: ShutterStock
The Difficulty Of Being Confident Without Being Too ConfidentCrippledTurtleMale: Just how difficult it is to be "confident" without being a total jerk. One girl's "I love a man who doesn't ask me if he can kiss me, he just leans in for the kiss" is another girl's "This creep tried to rape me". I can see how this might be hard for guys, because it's hard for girls too. Guys want a girl who is really confident in herself, but they don't a girl who is too self-absorbed, and it's the same the other way around. It can be hard to find the right balance. Source: ShutterStock
Guys Don't Like Playing GamesJustice_Prince: Guys don't enjoy the chase, or playing games. The only ones who do are sociopaths. Everyone else is just playing along so they don't get left in the dust. Moral of the story: no one likes playing games. Source: ShutterStock
Which of these things surprised you the most? What did you already know? What do you disagree with? Tell me in the comments.