5 Readers’ Questions About Being Ready To Have Sex, Answered


We talk about sex a lot here at Gurl and for good reason. There are so many different topics to cover and questions that it can seem overwhelming. Trust me, sex is one of those things that is completely and utterly different for every single person. There is no right or wrong way to have sex (unless it’s unprotected, that’s not safe or healthy for anyone). But coming to the personal decision to have sex is one that can be made only by you.

There are so many different beliefs when it comes to deciding when to have sex. We will always support whatever decision you make (as long as it’s legal) and as long as you are comfortable with whatever goes down. Now, for those of you who have decided that you are emotionally, physically, and mentally ready for sex, a whole new world of questions is about to open up. Here are 5 readers’ questions about how to take the next step once they’ve decided they’re ready for sex.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months, and we still haven’t had sex. I’m still a virgin, but he’s not, and I think I’m ready to have sex. The problem is that I can’t get my head around the other girls he’s slept with before me. I feel like I’m going to be really vulnerable, and it’s going to be a big deal for me to lose my virginity. I’m nervous because I feel like it will just be sex for him since he’s done it before. My question is, how do you get over the fact that your boyfriend has had sex with someone else? It really bothers me. – Sarah

Hi Sarah,

I understand your feelings about not being the only person your boyfriend has slept with, but the truth is, it has nothing to do with your relationship with him. Just because he has had sex with someone else doesn’t mean that he is somehow tainted for life. If you care about your boyfriend, you should accept his past and think about your present and future with him. Now, when it comes to being vulnerable about losing your virginity, that is completely normal. To some girls, losing their virginity is a big deal, and that’s okay. If you don’t feel that you’re emotionally ready to have sex, then don’t. There is no timeline that you have to follow. Talk to your boyfriend about what you’re feeling. Let him know your concerns about his past and ask him how he feels about being the first person that you will have sex with. This might give you the emotional connection that you are seeking from him in order to take your relationship to the next step. Bottom line: sex is a very emotional act, I would wait until you have a better understanding of your feelings before you have sex. Hope this helps!

I’m a virgin and I really want to have sex. Not because I don’t want to be a virgin anymore, or because I’m embarrassed about still being a virgin, but because I just think it would be fun. I’m constantly horny and want to have sex. I have a lot of guy friends that I am considering asking, but I don’t know how to make it clear that I want to have sex without looking slutty. How do I start this? Help! – Morgan

Hey Morgan,

Okay, first I want to correct something you said: Wanting to have sex does not make you a slut in any way. Your personal decisions about what you do with your body are no one’s business. There are a few things you need to think about before you seek out a guy to have sex with. Make sure you are DEFINITELY mentally prepared for your first time to be more casual, since you’re not in a relationship. Be prepared to cover all your bases when it comes to safety. You need to be aware of the different forms of birth control that are available to you. Make sure you know how to properly use whichever form you choose. When it comes to looking for a willing partner, you need to make sure that they are also ready for the responsibility of sex. If there is a guy friend who you are attracted to and think you would like to have sex with him, talk to him. Ask him if he is interested in having a physical relationship with you. If he says yes, then make sure you both are on the same page about what’s going to happen before, during, and after you guys start getting into things. Being solid on your decision to have sex is the first step, but make sure you are prepared and ready for what happens after too.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and I’m a virgin. I want to lose my virginity, but I’m afraid it will hurt. My boyfriend said he will finger me before we start so it won’t hurt as bad, but my mom told me it’s actually the size of the penis that will determine how much it will hurt. I’m really confused, but really want to have sex. I need help! Mozelle

Hey Mozelle,

Let’s start with your concerns about pain. For some girls, having sex for the first time can be very painful. There are a lot of factors come into play, but it’s not just about penis size. Your mom is right, the size of your boyfriend’s penis could cause you pain the first time you have sex, especially if it’s large and wide. However, that doesn’t mean starting with his finger is pointless. That may help get you used to the feeling of something going in there. Something that might help with the pain is a bottle of lube. Before you do anything, go to the store and buy a bottle of your choice (along with your condoms). The more moisture the better the first couple of times you have sex. Your body will produce nature lubrication, but having a little extra can really make a difference. When it comes time to doing the act, start with some foreplay, like the fingering your boyfriend mentioned. Take things slowly and try to relax your body as much as possible. If you’re stressed or tense, you’ll be tense down there, and that will make attempting sex way more difficult and more painful. Tell your boyfriend to be gentle, and just take things as slowly as you need to. And remember, if at any time you feel uncomfortable and want to stop, just say you changed your mind. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But please don’t let your fear of the pain stop you from doing something you want to do – it’s really not as bad as you’re imaging it.”

I have been super horny latley. My hormones are going insane and it’s only when I’m with my boyfriend. Every time he touches me, my whole body shivers, and I want to pounce on him. He’s had sex before, but I am a virgin and I want to have sex with him. But I’m not sure if I am ready. I get very nervous and excited when I think about it. But I don’t know what to do! – Mik 

Hi Mik,

Hormones will totally make you feel the way you are describing. It’s natural to be turned on by your boyfriend and want to touch him all the time. If you don’t think you’re ready for sex and the consequences that come with it, then hold off. There are plenty of things you can do to with and without your boyfriend to help you out. You should start by exploring yourself and figuring out what you like. This will take the edge off and allow you to control the situation. If you feel ready, you can start to incorporate your boyfriend too. It’s called foreplay! Sit down and talk with your guy about the things you think you will be comfortable doing with him. Make sure that you both are on the same page with how far you want to go. Take it slow, it’s not a race. Just make sure that once you add your boyfriend, you start to practice safe foreplay. There is still the possibility of contracting STDs, STIs, or infections without actually having sex. You both should get tested for the all clear before you start anything. Go at your own pace and do whatever feels comfortable to you.

I want to loose my virginity, but my boyfriend is not ready to do it. How can I make him have sex with me? – Urwah

Hi Urwah,

We need to pump the breaks, hard! First, you should never pressure anyone to have sex with you. How would you feel if you were being pressured to have sex when you weren’t ready? Not good, right? You need to take the same consideration into effect for your boyfriend. It has to be his decision, and if you want to keep your relationship, you should back off. Next, there are plenty of things that you can do by yourself that feel just as good as having sex. If you haven’t already, you should explore yourself through masturbating. It’s safe and has nothing to do with anyone but you. If your boyfriend is open to talking about sex, ask him what he feels comfortable doing. After you guys have talked, if you still feel that not having sex is a deal breaker for you, the option of breaking up with him and finding someone who wants to have sex is there. But please, consider everything very carefully before making a decision.

Do you think you are ready to have sex for the first time? What steps have you taken to prepare yourself and your partner? Let us know in the comments below! 


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