7 Things You Should Know Before Hooking Up With A Girl

A few weeks back I rounded up some tips on asking out girls; they were provided by some awesome women who identify as queer, so you know that they were legit. From beating nerves to dealing with rejection, they covered all of the bases.

So…what happens when you and some awesome girl want to take things to the next level? How should you approach the situation? What should you focus on/ what ways can you protect yourself from STDs? How can you avoid a freak-out situation? Magazines and websites for young women and teens are always full of hookup advice for straight sexy times scenarios, but rarely for queer ones. Well, that ends now. Some awesome folks–Ashley P,  Dmitri and Mary–are here to give you 7 bits of advice on everything you need to know before you hook up with a girl.


Flirt Your Butt Off

"Flirt and smile as much as you can manage, and IF she responds positively--flirts back, doesn't run away from you or look uncomfortable--then initiate some physical contact," suggested Mary. "Touch her shoulder when you're both laughing. Touch her knee. If there's music at the bar or club (assuming you're at one), then ask her to dance with you. This could give you a natural opportunity to hold her close, or at least hold her hand. This is also just instinctual and shouldn't look or feel forced. If you feel uncomfortable with touching her like this, or there isn't a natural moment then that's okay. Just sitting close to another person can make someone feel like, 'woah I'm attracted to them, maybe I want to make out with their face now.'"

Photo source: Pariah

Initiate The Hookup

"When the night is dying down,--and maybe at this point you've initiated kissing, but this is up to you--whisper or quietly ask her if she's interested in coming home with you," said Mary. "[If you're in public] do not yell it or say it around her friends. She may feel embarrassed or feel like she has to say yes/no depending on the people around her. Make your intentions clear to her, not the entire room!”

Photo source: But I'm A Cheerleader

Cool It!

"When you’re with a girl, any of the stuff you’re worried about with respect to your body is something SHE has probably worried about too," said Dmitri. So just chill out! "Stay safe, relax, and have fun!"

Photo source: Yes Or No

Porn Isn’t A Life Guide

"'Do. Not. Watch. Porn. For. Instructions,'" said Ashley P. "Porn is not great, especially the way they frame those *~*SExY LeSBIanS*~ What I said before stands, but if you need advice, I would definitely read The Ultimate Guide on Cunnilingus by Violet Blue. This lays out everything you need to know and how to make your hookup happy!"

Photo source: Blue Is The Warmest Color

Communication Is Key

"Girls like different things," said Ashley P. "Some girls have a good time with their clitoris only, some girls like more stimulation with the G-spot plus the clitoris. Some girls love nipple play or any combination of what was just mentioned. The worst thing you can do, is head to the bedroom and never ask what your partner wants. You always need to talk about what you are going to do because you will feel better and so will your partner."

Photo source: Show Me Love

You Should Still Practice Safe Sex

"Keep in mind that just because they can’t get pregnant, they DO still need protection," said Dmitri. "Lots of young girls end up with STIs because they don’t think about stuff like that because 'oh it’s two girls so I can’t get pregnant' but being safe is ALWAYS important.” Hey, dental dams, female condoms and other safe sex products aren't just for hetero, p in v sex, ladies.

Photo source: The Incredibly True Story Of Two Girls In Love

Rejection Sucks But It Might Not Be As Bad As You Think

"If she says no, then just say, 'oh that's okay,'" said Mary. "Of course, it's disappointing but you shouldn't act too slighted because, one, you're not entitled just because she dance/flirted/kissed you; and two, it doesn't mean that they don't like you, they might just not want to sleep with you yet for whatever.”

Photo source: Water Lilies


Do you have any advice of your own? What was your first hookup experience with a girl like? Tell us in the comments!


You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!


10 Tips On Asking Out Girls; For Queer Girls By Queer Girls

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