10 Tips On Asking Out Girls; For Queer Girls By Queer Girls

We have countless articles offering advice about dating boys, having boyfriends and other super hetero-centric topics. That’s useful and all…if you’re a straight girl. We know that some of you beyond rad Gurl readers aren’t interested in dating cis-gender dudes, so if you identify as a girl who likes girls, a lot of our romance content most likely just isn’t very relatable. Let’s change that a bit, shall we?

If you’re a queer girl who wants real advice on dating other girls, here are 10 things you need to know. Whether you are a lesbian, bisexual or anything else under the queer umbrella, these are tips from real girls who like girls –Melissa, Journey, Dmitri, Holly and Rainaweather–so you know that this is super legit.


Let Your Queerness Be Known

"ALWAYS introduce your own queerness into the conversation and watch how they respond," said Melissa. "Talk about your ex girlfriend, or some woman you had a crush on. Most people on the planet are straight. If you're interested in this person, you have to let them know that the romance door is open to them."

Photo source: But I'm A Cheerleader

Flirt, Flirt And Flirt Some More

"I kind of flirt flirt flirt flirt, maybe touch an arm while they laugh at my joke, and always pay attention to their response," said Melissa. "If they're into it, you'll be able to see it. If they're not, don't fool yourself that they are."

Photo source: Pariah

If It's Safe For You To Come Out, Come Out

Although Melissa is aware that it isn't safe for everyone, she believes that, "the first step toward having healthy queer relationships is coming out." If you can be open in your environment, be open!

Photo source: Blue Is The Warmest Color

Don't Judge By Looks Alone

"Just because a girl doesn’t look like she’s into girls doesn’t mean she isn’t," said Rainaweather. "Most people are surprised to find out I’m a lesbian, even people who know me. So you might not get a 'vibe' from a girl, but that does not mean you should forgo asking her out. Even if you end up asking out a straight girl, I find that straight girls tend not to overreact when another girls asks them out."

Photo source: Yes Or NO

Be Brave

"If you have a good vibe going with another girl and are pretty sure she wouldn’t cut you off for the rest of your lives if you asked her out, just suck it up and do it!" said Journey. "We are ALL--at least most of us--unsure at this time and if we all sat around waiting for the other girl to ask us out no girl would get to date another girl!”

Photo source: Glee

Be Prepared For Possible Miscommunication

"The nice thing about being a lady asking out ladies is that going out for coffee can just be going out for coffee as friends if they're not into you," said Melissa. "The bad thing about being a lady asking out ladies is that going out for coffee can be misinterpreted as going out for coffee only as friends."

So what should you do? Rainaweather suggested to keep it as straight forward as possible: "A simple, 'Would you like to go out/on a date some time?' And make sure it’s clear that you are asking for a romantic date and not a two girls just hanging out date."

Photo source: The Incredibly True Adventure Of Two Girls In Love

Girls Just Get It

Asking out a girl who you know likes girls? Nervous? Fair enough, but you can chill a little bit.

"One thing for sure is that girls are way more receptive to other girls," said Dmitri. "Like, girls who date girls totally get how nerve-wracking it can be to ask out another girl. So even if she’s not into you, she’s gonna be really nice about it a lot of the time, let you down easy."

But the familiarity with the struggles of girl world come with a price. "When you’re dating girls, you do end up with some of the issues you have with groups of girl-friends," Dmitri added. "Cattiness, sometimes jealousy, etc. There can be drama but it’s nothing too bad."

Photo source: Skins

Practice Really Does Make Perfect

"Sometimes it will be awkward if you ask a girl out and she says no, but eventually you’ll get over it and be glad that you had the guts to ask her in the first place," said Rainaweather. "And it’s good practice. I’m very casual yet to the point when I ask a girl out now, and that’s because I’ve had a lot of practice. It gets easier the more you do it."

Photo source: Show Me Love

Don't Let Rejection Get To Your Head

"I see a lot of girls-who-are-into-girls getting kind of bitter about [getting rejected by straight girls]," said Holly. "I get that! Heterosexism...it sucks! It hurts! But I think something that is super important is for that reaction to not turn into a situation where you, as a girl-who-is-into-girls, end up coming across like you think you are entitled to that girl’s affections, or whatever. The like typical Crappy Straight Dude response, you know?"

Photo source: South Of Nowhere

It Isn't The End Of The World

"Having experienced rejection from both straight and queer girls, I can tell you that it all feels the same," said Rainaweather. "The most important thing is just to ask out any girl you happen to like. Regret is worse than rejection."

Photo source: Skins

Do you have any other advice to share? Have you ever asked out a girl? What happened? Tell us in the comments!

You can follow the author, Ashley Reese, on Twitter or Instagram. Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite!

 

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