How To Deal When Your Friend Won’t Stop Talking About Her Crush

Hi Heather,

I’m in my senior year in high school and I couldn’t be happier… except for a situation with my friend. Over the last few months, my friend has been talking non-stop about this guy she is infatuated with. She has been on two dates with him and texts him constantly, even when she’s hanging out with me. He’s older than us but seems like such a loser. I mean, all he does is hang out with his cat and watches anime when he’s not texting her constantly. Even though they’re not officially together, she won’t stop talking about how happy he makes her. I’m happy she’s found someone, but it feels as though she’s rubbing it in my face. Whenever we’re in the same room all she talks about is him.

Here’s what’s really bothering me: they even talk about me, which makes me feel so insecure! She tells him everything I tell her and they discuss my issues on their own. I’ve liked guys too, but I’ve never talked about them this much and I’ve never texted them the entire time I’m with my friends. It’s making me really irritated because she’s also completely changed her interests for this guy and has made me feel so alone and isolated. I don’t want to confront her about it because I’m afraid she’ll back away completely and not ever talk to me again. So… what should I do?

I completely understand how dealing with something like this can be really frustrating. You have every right to feel annoyed at your friend right now for the way she’s acting.

Before you do anything, I would give your friend a little more time. The beginning of any kind of relationship like this is exciting and all-consuming. Your friend is in serious lust right now, and she’s talking about him all the time because she’s happy and nervous, and wants to share that with you and anyone else who will listen. I know how irritating this behavior is, but this is how some people are. You might want to her more time to freak out about him before you speak up.

Also take this into consideration (and don’t get mad): could you maybe be a teensy bit jealous that your friend is so into this guy? I’m not saying you’re jealous of them being together, I’m saying maybe you’re jealous that he’s taking up so much of her time and you’re kind of being left behind. This feeling is completely normal and it’s nothing to be ashamed of! Just keep it in the back of your mind and remember that your friend is allowed to be a little extra mushy when she’s really happy about someone.

I know you don’t want to hear this, but seriously: you have to talk to your friend about this. It’s the only way you can potentially solve things. Instead of getting angry and yelling at her, have an honest conversation. Start off by telling her that you’re so happy she has met someone she really likes, but you feel a little bit neglected. Let her know that it hurts your feelings when she texts him the whole time you’re hanging out with her – that’s rude, and your friend needs to learn to put the phone down. Explain that you like to hear about her crush, but you need some time for just the two of you, time that doesn’t involve him at all.

Don’t say anything bad about him and try not to get mad. Tell her that you don’t want to ruin your friendship at all, you just miss her and feel like she’s not interested in you anymore. If you talk badly about him or if you get too annoyed when talking to her, she’s going to get defensive and angry. Try to keep things calm to make her understand how you feel.

Oh, and make sure you tell her that you don’t want the two of them talking about you. She shouldn’t be telling him everything you tell her – that’s disrespectful towards you. Let her know that it makes you really uncomfortable and tell her that you’re going to stop confiding in her if she can’t keep it to herself. She needs to know that that’s not okay.

Of course, there is a big possibility that she’ll get mad, no matter how nice you are. She might twist your feelings into jealousy. She might get upset that you don’t want to hear about him as much. She might get accuse you of trying to ruin things between them. If things get heated, reassure her that you’re happy for her, but you just wanted to let her know how she’s making you feel. We can’t control how people react to things, so if she’s going to react angrily and push you away, all you can do is wait for her to come to her senses.

take care,

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  • Eli

    I’m one of these girls that when I fall I fall hard! So I tend to do this but my bestie is the exact same way. When we crush at the same time it is wonderful because we can talk forever about each others guys but when one is crushing and the other has nobody it can be a little annoying and stressful. We have talked about it and both make efforts to tone it down. It;s all about communication!

    p.s. He is not a loser cats and anime are amazing! ( Not 2 of my biggest interest but 2 things I do occasionally enjoy) You really need to reevaluate how good of a human you are if you think that defines a “loser”.