Growing up, I had a crush on one of my guy friends for years. At a certain point, it got embarrassing, and I told everyone I was over it when I wasn’t. This backfired in a major way. In 8th grade, my best friend started to crush on the guy. Even worse? He started crushing on her too. She repeatedly asked me if I was okay with them being together, and even though I wasn’t, I lied. Seeing them together was heartbreaking.
Unfortunately, this sort of situation is really common. It also puts you in a really awkward position. Do you forget about your crush and put your friendship first? Or do you give love a chance and put your BFF on the back burner? Do you ignore everything until it stops? I know how confusing this is, and I totally get that you’re probably freaking out right here. Here are 8 tips on what to do when you and your friend like the same guy. I wish I had this advice back when I was 13!
Don't Try To Hide Your FeelingsIf you and your friend are crushing on the same guy, you don't have to hide how you feel - yes, even if she started liking him first. Keeping everything inside and acting like you don't like him will leave you feeling bitter towards her, angry at both of them, and pretty darn sad. Source: ShutterStock
Be Honest With Your FriendAs tough as it may be, you should tell your friend if you like the same guy she does. If you don't, you're inching towards betrayal territory. If you don't tell her, and you end up doing something with this guy and she finds out, she'll be shocked and devastated. Or if she hears it from someone else, she'll also be really upset. It's best to hear it from you. Just have an honest conversation with her and let her know how you feel. Then you guys can figure it out together, hopefully. Source: ShutterStock
Don't Let Jealousy Ruin Your FriendshipIf you both know you like the same person, there is bound to be some jealousy there. You'll feel it when you see her talking to him, she'll feel it when she sees you talking to him. Try not to let this jealousy ruin your friendship. If it starts to become too much, you guys need to talk again and come to some sort of agreement. Source: ShutterStock
Really Think About Your FriendshipBefore you do anything with this guy, really think about your friendship with your BFF. How long have you guys been friends? Has she always been there for you? Is she truly a good friend? How much does she mean to you? You don't want to end a friendship over a guy, because I promise you, it's usually not worth it in the end. Relationships don't always last that long, but best friendships can last a lot longer. Source: ShutterStock
Really Think About HimIs this guy REALLY worth it? Why do you like him? Do you feel like you really have a connection with him? Is he very important to you? You need to consider all of this stuff if you're trying to decide between the two of them. Maybe you feel like this guy is worth more than your friendship. That's okay, but you really need to think about everything because once you make a decision, things could really change. Source: ShutterStock
Consider The Consequences If You Two DatedOkay, so imagine you and your crush started dating. Think about what will probably happen: your friendship might be completely ruined, meaning you'll lose your bestie. If she turns on you and gets your other friends on her side, you might have problems with them too. You'll end up feeling either guilty, sad, or angry, or a mixture of both. Just make sure this relationship would REALLY be worth losing a friend over. Again, oftentimes, it's not. Source: ShutterStock
Don't Make This A CompetitionDon't compete with your friend for this guy - no matter who wins, you'll both lose because you'll lose each other. Your friendship won't be the same after that! And what if he doesn't like either of you? Then it's really completely useless. I've also seen advice saying things like "Let him choose for you." Don't let him choose for you. That will leave one of you feeling completely horrible. Source: ShutterStock
Come To An Agreement and Stick To ItYour best course of action here is to try to come to an agreement with your friend. Maybe one of you will decide the whole thing isn't worth it and you'll agree to step down. Or, maybe you'll both decide it's not worth it and you'll both move on. In high school, my friend and I had a crush on the same guy. She liked him first, but I told her how I felt anyway - and then I told her that I wouldn't go near him because I knew she had had feelings longer. And we were totally fine about it! But things were that okay because I was honest. Try to come to an agreement with your friend - and stick to it no matter what. If you go back on it, that's a whole different form of betrayal. Source: ShutterStock
Have you ever had a crush on the same guy as your friend? What did you do? What did she do? Is it happening right now? Tell me in the comments.