Can we all agree that the best thing about Halloween is the costume aspect of it? Like, you can eat candy and watch Hocus Pocus whenever you want, but you can’t really decide to dress up in a giant chicken costume any other time of year unless you want a lot of strange stares. Seriously, it’s the only day of the year when you can dress up as just about anything you want–within reason–which is why coming up with the perfect costume is so essential.
…Hmm, on second thought, maybe that’s a little too much power. I mean, there are some pretty awful Halloween costumes that people actually buy! That people actually spend real money on! Of course, most of them are super skimpy and marketed toward women because theres nothing more sellable than a woman’s body under the male gaze right? Hey, I’m totally supportive of showing some skin on Halloween if you want to, but why would you do it as Sexy Thomas The Tank Engine? Yep, the worst sexy costumes are the ones that will totally ruin your childhood. Here are 15 of them that will scar you for life.
Sexy BarneyThe purple dinosaur we all knew and loved...except super sexy. My four-year-old self is so confused right now. Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy NemoNemo was like a six-year-old fish I just...why? Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy DorothyThere's no place like home. I guess that home is costume hell. Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy Buzz LightyearCan "to infinity and beyond" be a sexy pickup line? I guess you could definitely get away with that in this outfit. Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy GumbyCan someone please explain the Gumby hat? Because I thought that the Gumby face on the dress was sufficient. Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy GryffindorSomewhere, Hermione Granger is twitching and full of righteous indignation and she doesn't know why. Photo source: HalloweenExpress.com
Sexy Mike WazowskiOkay, this was probably one of the most surprising sexy costumes. Leave Mike Wazowski alone! Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy MinionThis is actually pretty cute but the name of this costume is hilarious: One-Eyed Master's Helper Costume. LOL, trademarks. Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy Minnie MouseDisneyland will never be the same. Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy Oompa Loompa1) No. 2) Doesn't this model sort of look like JLaw? 3) No. Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy Wednesday AddamsThis is one of the lesser offenders but, listen, Wednesday Addams is already awesome. Doesn't need the midriff. Crop tops are great but please... Photo source: HalloweenExpress.com
Sexy TiggerI mean, I guess all that awful faux fur and that terrible hat will keep your body warm? Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy Rainbow DashSomething tells me that the awesome woman behind My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, a great show for little girls, is probably side eyeing the hell out of this. Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy Oscar The GrouchLiterally garbage. Photo source: Yandy.com
Sexy PlutoPluto already got the short end of the stick (bone?) by being the only dog in the Mickey Mouse universe who couldn't talk. Wasn't that torturous enough? Photo source: Yandy.com
Not Pictured: Sexy Thomas The Tank Engine. Why doesn’t this exist yet?
What’s the weirdest sexy Halloween costume you’ve ever seen? Would you rock any of these? Be honest! Tell us in the comments!