What To Do If Your Friend Is Bisexual and You Feel Weird About It

Hi Heather,

A few weeks ago at school, one of my closest friends told my friends and me that she thinks she is bisexual. We were all silent and she covered her head. I don’t know if she was crying or not. She said she hasn’t told her mm and she is scared to. I feel sorry for her, but I feel like everything has changed. Whenever we do something where we have to be close, I feel awkward like I would feel around a guy. I also try to avoid walking alone with her and I don’t want to talk about her being bisexual. I feel like it’s always awkward silences with us now. I don’t want it to be like this. I really don’t know what to do, because being gay, lesbian or bisexual is against my family’s beliefs. I know it’s against her family’s beliefs too. Please get back to me I need help!

I understand that this situation is really confusing for you. However, you need to realize that this is even more confusing for your friend. Right now, it seems like you’re taking this very personally and making it about you, when really, this is about your friend. She’s dealing with a lot right now, and she told you guys because she trusts you and wanted someone there for her. It doesn’t seem like you’ve been there for her, though.

I’m not saying that you’re a bad person, because I get that you’re dealing with a lot of conflicting feelings right now. But I do think that you need to try to change your attitude towards your friend. First of all, you need to stop feeling awkward around her like you would “feel around a guy.” Just because your friend may be bisexual doesn’t mean she’s attracted to every girl out there, including you. It doesn’t mean she just confessed her feelings for you, or that she’s going to grab you and try to kiss you. More than likely, she told you about her sexuality because she wanted a friend to have her back. Acting like she’s in love with you is never going to make her feel better.

Second, you need to stop avoiding being alone with her. This is going to make her feel really hurt and isolated. If you’re not comfortable with her sexuality, then be honest and tell her that. Say, “I’m not sure how I feel about this right now, so could we maybe not talk about it?” It may not be the best course of action, but you should try to be there for her in some way. If you can’t talk about her bisexuality, then at least still be there as her friend in other ways, like still hanging out with her or walking with her.

You say that being gay, lesbian or bisexual is against your family’s beliefs – but is it against your beliefs? Remember, we don’t need to have all of the same beliefs as our family’s do. You are allowed to accept your friend as bisexual, if that’s what she is, even if your parents don’t. You need to figure out how YOU feel about this. Look at your friend: has she really changed that much she confessed her sexuality to you? Or is it your opinion about her that has changed? And think about it this way: she was bisexual for a while before she admitted it – would you have guessed that anything was different about her before she said that? She was still your close friend before you knew – why can’t she still be your friend now that you do know?

What I’m saying is that it’s not fair to push your friend away because you’re uncomfortable with her sexuality. I’m not telling you that you have to change your beliefs, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But you should try to accept your friend for who she is and realize that her sexuality doesn’t change her as a person, or as your friend. If you can’t do that, it’s best for you to nicely leave the friendship, and let her deal with this with others.

take care,
Heather

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