How To Deal With Your Boyfriend’s Family: 5 Questions Answered

disapprovalFinding someone you really like who really likes you is a great feeling. Being in a healthy and committed relationship with someone you like can be a dream come true. I know so many of my friends who have found a person they love spending their time with and are genuinely happy. They rave about the first couple of months of new relationship bliss – the cuddling, staying up all night talking on the phone, and the pure happiness of spending time with that one person. But relationships can be hard too – especially when it comes to getting someone’s family to like you.

I cannot imagine how nerve wracking it must feel to meet your SO’s family. I know I would be sick to my stomach worrying about their impression of me. But what happens when you’ve been together for a long time and his family just isn’t feeling you? What if you realize that you really don’t like his family and it becomes super hard to deal with them? What do you do? Here are 5 readers questions about how to deal with their boyfriend’s family. 

 

My mom and I were having issues so I decided to move in with my boyfriend and his sisters for school. They are constantly in our business and judging me. They talk badly about me behind my back and I hear it from their children who repeat everything they hear. These are women who are in their 30’s and act like teenagers. At one point, we got into a fight because they said that I was rude and had an attitude with the way I spoke to them. They proceeded to yell at me and threatened to “beat me up.” When I ask my boyfriend to talk to them and ask them to stop being mean to me he just brushes it off. His sisters have even told him that I am not worth all of this trouble and they he should just dump me. I can’t move out because I will have no place to go but I can’t keep going through this. I feel like I am dating all of them and there is no solution in site. Please help me! – Quizzy 

Hi Quizzy,

I’m so sorry to hear that your boyfriend’s sisters are treating you like this. I have no idea what’s going on in their heads, but someones there are people who don’t like you for reasons you’ll never know. I do know one thing, though: it’s unacceptable that they’ve threatened you with violence. You should never have to put up with, let alone live with, people who speak to you that way. I know you’ve already talked to your boyfriend, but you need to do it again. Make it clear that you don’t feel comfortable living there anymore because of how his sisters are acting. I would also suggest talking to at least one of the sisters, if any of them seem more rational than the others. Ask what’s going on, and explain how confused and hurt you are. Try to get to the bottom of things to see why they’re acting this way. If your boyfriend and his sisters refuse to have a mature discussion or change in any way, I would look into making up with your mom or staying with another friend for a while. Being in that kind of environment isn’t okay. I really hope that this works out for you! Good luck.

Well, I’m dealing with a large group of sisters. My boyfriend is the only boy, so I suffer from rude comments from them – a lot. Last Christmas, one of them “accidentally” spilled soda all over me. That same day I tried to walk to a different area of the house and I had to go around a group of them and I was told I “was being disrespectful and why am I even there?” His mom also makes slick/sideways comments to me all the time. I moved to this city to be with my boyfriend and I love him dearly. I want our relationship to work and to marry him one day. However, this family drama is going to be the cause of me leaving and going back to my hometown. My question is, is it wrong if I choose to not to participate in his family gatherings? Or when they come over to our place I stay in our room? I have given them so many chances but I just don’t wanna be around them anymore. Some advice please?! – Ladee

Hi Ladee,

It’s never easy to be the girlfriend of a guy who has a lot of sisters. It’s really unfortunate that they haven’t welcomed you into their family more, but if you’re truly happy with your relationship, I wouldn’t let this family drama be the reason you move home. I am a firm believer in the idea that you are dating the guy – not his family! If you can get along with them, that’s wonderful, but unfortunately, it just doesn’t happen for everyone. Honestly, I think it’s okay for you to remove yourself from family gatherings if they’re going to be that disrespectful towards you. If your boyfriend asks what’s going on, explain that his family doesn’t make you feel comfortable. Tell him how upset they make you, and share your doubts about staying there with him – if you two really are going to stay together forever, you need to learn to be honest with each other. He might offer to talk to them for you. Or, if you’re comfortable with it, you can always speak up to them. The next time they make a comment, let them know, calmly, you don’t appreciate it, and you don’t understand why they treat you the way they do. Hopefully they’ll see how petty they’re being – and your guy will stick by your side.

My boyfriend and I broke up for about a week, but we sorted out our differences and got back together. A couple weeks after our breakup his parents became really involved in our relationship. They started telling my boyfriend that they will disown him if he continues to stay with me. I don’t understand why they are doing this. I have always been super polite and respectful to them. His parents are now saying that I am rude and they no longer want him to see me. I’ve never done anything wrong to them or their son. My boyfriend and I are heartbroken and really confused about what we should do. Help! – Sammy

Hi Sammy,

This is a really awful situation, and I’m sorry you have to go through this. I think you need to encourage your boyfriend to talk to his parents to find out what’s going on. Are they mad about a specific fight you two had? Is there something bigger going on? See if he can get any information out of them on his own. If you’re comfortable speaking to them, you can do that as well. Explain to them how much you care about their son, and let them know that this is really hurting you. Apologize if you did anything to disrespect them, and assure them you want their blessing for your relationship. Hopefully, they’ll relax and give you another chance.

Hey, so I’ve been with my guy for almost a year now. Everything is great and we want to get married. He has a full time jobs and I go to school full time. They only problem we have is his mom and ex. Yes, that’s right, his ex and his mom are really close and they seem to be keeping tabs on our relationship. His ex constantly knows what is going on in our relationship and I think my to-be mother-in-law is behind it. She seems to avoid me all the time and I just can’t handle her.  She’s also really rude to my parents which causes them great unease. I don’t want a relationship were every family gathering is going be a strain, but I really won’t give this guy up either. What do I do?Ace

Hi Ace,
Wow, this is an extremely awkward situation! There is nothing worse than having your boyfriend’s ex constantly in the picture… but to have his mom on her side is just not good. You really need to talk to your boyfriend and let him know that this is not okay. He needs to talk to his mom and his ex about their actions, and let them know that this is not acceptable behavior. It might be a good idea for you to talk to his ex and let her know that you two are together and not breaking up anytime soon. She needs to understand that trying to double team you with his mom is not going to work and she needs to cut it out. I would also talk to his mom about this too. She really needs to understand where you are coming from. Continue to be strong and don’t let this get in the way of your relationship. Best of luck!

So me and my boyfriend just recently moved out. We had our own place for a while we were renting a room from some family, in the end we realized it wasn’t working out so we decided to move in with his parents. Well since I’ve been with him I’ve always been annoyed by his sister. And now we are sharing a room until we save some money and get our own apartment/studio. I’m seriously going NUTS. I don’t know how to deal with it!! I know I’m used to have our privacy and space and now we have neither, but I need some advice on how to deal with this. I know I can be really harsh and I’m already showing irritation towards her and I don’t want things to be awkward. I don’t know how to cope with this! – Felicia

Hi Felicia,

This situation does sound really uncomfortable. Sharing a space with someone is hard, sharing a space with someone who you don’t like is harder. I would really try to figure out what are some key things that she does that get under your skin and see if you two can work through them. Since you are living at his parents house, you can’t exactly be super rude or disrespectful to her. This is a tough situation, but I think if you can just keep calm and not get too aggressive with her things will workout. Also, it’s only for a short time (hopefully). Try and focus on the end goal of moving out and doing whatever it takes to get there. Remember that everyone can be annoying sometimes, but lashing out isn’t the way to get through it. If she really bugs you, do what you can to stay out of her way. Otherwise, since his parents are being nice enough to let you guys stay there, you kind of need to learn to deal with it for now.

Have you ever had issues with your boyfriend’s parents. How did you deal with your problems? Let me know in the comments below! 

Ask A Guy: I Don’t Like My Boyfriend’s Family – Should I Tell Him?

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  • Chelsea

    So I can’t stand my boyfriends family. His mom and grandmother are very fake and 2 faced. They are very clingy and obsessed with him always calling and texting him and it irratates me so much. And his sister who is 19 is like obsessed with him always texting him she’s like his puppy dog she has to go everywhere with him and follows him around. It’s so annoying idk what to do I try to be nice but it’s so hard I can’t stand them nor do I like being around them. I can’t stand the fakeness, and the fake smiles they act like care and like they love me and they tell my bf all the time they love me but they don’t act like it. And they always say comments to try and get me mad. But I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together for 5 years and nothings changed. Youd think they wouldn’t be like this towards me anymore but they are. Help 🙁