Are We Friends? 5 Of Your Friendship Questions Answered

sideeyefriendsFriends are probably the closest people to you besides your family members. They are supposed to be your source of laughter, the ones you eat ice cream with after tough break ups, and the people you confide your deepest, darkest secrets to.

However, what happens when your friends start to do things that you’re not so cool with? Whether they start hanging out with a new group, become totally enthralled with a boyfriend, or they simply start changing from the person you used to know, it’s kind of devastating. The growing pains of friendship are unavoidable and something everyone goes through. But when things start to get super difficult, or your bestie starts to become your worst enemy, how do you deal? Where do you draw the line at staying friends with someone or letting them go? Here are five of your toughest friendship questions answered. 

 

My Friend Is Mean, How Do I Get Her To Stop? 

My friend is constantly mean and competitive with me about everything. She she tells all my crushes that I like them and loves to embarrass me in front of them.  Also she makes racist comments that make me feel very uncomfortable. For example, I am Asian, and she criticizes me for not liking tea. She is also continuously rude and disrespectful when she comes over to my house. But, when we hangout at her house, she will yell at me for not taking my shoes off and making a mess. I’ve always held my tongue about the things that annoy me about her, but she constantly says whatever she wants with no regards to my feelings. Why can’t she show me the same courtesy? – From Fs 

Hi Fs: This ‘friend’ of yours doesn’t seem like a friend at all! The examples that you’ve mentioned make it seem like she does not respect your friendship, and that is a HUGE issue. Telling your secrets and saying racists remarks are not acceptable from anyone, let alone a friend.  I would sit her down and let her know how much she is hurting you. Friendships should never be about putting up with someone else’s teasing and rude comments. If you want to stop the constant berating, you have to confront her. Some people can’t understand that their words hurt, even if they don’t mean to hurt you. Talking things out is your best option for getting things off your chest and trying to save this friendship. If she doesn’t apologize and make an effort to be nicer, it’s time to find a new friend.

 

I Want To End Our Friendship

My friend and I have been BFFs for four years and all of a sudden she has just changed. She is constantly making rude comments about my weight and eating habits. The things she says hurt my feelings a lot. I’ve caught her gossiping about me behind my back multiple times to our other friends. She has no problem saying mean things to my face, but when I confront her she gets really upset and threatens to stop being my friend. She is super controlling and gets pissed if I don’t invite her to hangout with my other friends. She repeatedly tells me that I am trying to replace her and I don’t think I can take much more. If I want to end the friendship, how should I do it? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I don’t think I can be friends with her anymore. – Bibi

Hi Bibi: I definitely think you’re making the right decision. Anyone who makes mean comments about your body is not someone that you should be friends with. Friends are supposed to love you because of who you are. She sounds like someone who is going through a tough time, and is projecting her insecurities on you. Do not let her words affect you. To end the friendship, I would sit her down and have a one-on-one talk with her. Tell her you’re done with her rude comments and mean actions. Remind her of all the times you’ve brought it up, and tell her you’re just done dealing with it. She sounds like someone who will not take this well, but stand your ground. Don’t get derailed if she starts to say mean things, simply let her know that you no longer wish to be her friend and if the situation gets becomes a screaming match, leave. Being the bigger person is always the route to go. Good luck!

 

 

My Friends Are Mean To Me, But I Don’t Want To Be Alone

I guess I’m what you would call a tomboy. Around 5th grade, I met a group of girls who were also on the tomboyish side and we immediately became best friends. Recently they’ve started to become more girly, which doesn’t bother me, but they’ve turned their backs on me. They don’t invite me to hangout with them because of the way I dress. I really don’t want to be by myself, so I continue to hang out with them only to be ignored. I don’t think they realize or care how they treat me, and I will feel bad if I tell them how I feel. I’m just so confused.Julie

Julie: Please stop hanging out with these girls! They do not sound like they are friends anymore and you should not put up with being treated this way. I understand that you have known these girls since you were young, but it sounds like it is time for you to leave this group. These girls seems to have adopted a “mean girl” mentality, and pick on you simply because you have not fallen in line with them. I want you to understand that they DO know how mean they are being to you! Do not make excuses for their behavior. Friends do not pick on each other and they do not exclude each other because of superficial things like clothing. My advice is to stop hanging out with them altogether. I know it may seem scary, but you will find new friends. Until then, keep your head up, you deserve to have friends that are nice and care about you.

 

 

She’s Only Nice To Me When She Wants To Be

I have a horrible friend named Shanique. I text her for hours on Kik and all she does is read the messages. She never responds to me directly, only chats in the group conversation we’re in. She makes me feel really bad at school because I’m apparently not good enough to hang out with her. She makes fun of me, uses me, and never has anything nice to say. I wish I could ditch her, but I feel like it would be rude and I still want to be friends with her, you know? I feel like when she’s not being a total bitch, she actually cares about me.Lina

Lina: This is a classic case of a two-faced friend. She only wants to be your friend when you two are alone, but as soon as other people are around, she drops you like a hot potato. Not cool! Any friend who does not respond to messages and tries to embarrass you in school is not a friend you should have. There is no reason to feel loyalty to someone who is mean to you. You don’t owe her anything and staying in this friendship is going to only end up hurting you more. I would let her know that she is not being a good friend to you and remove yourself from the situation. You do not need friends like her, and I am sure there are plenty of people for you to spend your time with.

My Best Friend Keeps Kissing My Ex! 

My best friend and I have been through so much together. She’s been there for me a lot and I don’t want to lose her, but I have a massive issue: she keeps kissing my ex-boyfriend! She’s done it a few times now – the first, was last year when my ex and I had a massive argument and stopped talking for a few months. I forgave her, because we weren’t officially together. But, recently she’s done it again and I told her that after the first time they kissed I really would appreciate if she didn’t do it again. But now I’ve found out that she’s to kissed him again! I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t seem to get that it’s a massive deal to me, I feel like it’s a betrayal of our friendship. Please help! What do I do? – Neurotic1

Hi Neurotic1: I am so sorry that your best friend is continuing to hurt you, this situation just sucks! I think you should try one last time to get through to her about how hurt you are. Sit her down and tell her exactly how her actions are affecting you and your friendship. Usually, I wouldn’t advocate for ultimatums, but in this case, I think that one is called for. You should tell her that if she continues to kiss your ex-boyfriend, that your friendship has to unfortunately end. There is no reason be continuously hurt by someone who is so close to you. I really hope that you can get through to her and your friendship can move forward. Good luck! And let me know how it turns out.

Has any of these situations ever happened to you? Is your best friend becoming your worst enemy? Let us know in the comments below! 

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  • HelpImObsessedWithUndertaker

    I’m in 7th grade and my friend would always lie and spread rumors. Towards the end she started following my other firen and saying things like “Look! She’s my best friends now!” So, to be simple, our group of 4 became group of 3 because we broke it off with her. Except when I told her I didn’t want to be her friend anymore, my other two friends pretended they knew nothing when they said they were going to back me up. Sometimes I don’t even know who to trust

  • Lucy

    Im in fifth grade and I’m kinda like a tomboy and in 4th grade I came to this new school and there were 5 in my class 1 annoying 1 and 1 really quiet 1. None of them were really friendly. But then the other two girls and I became automatic bffs with them. Now in 5th grade they’ve changed one of my friends r only nice to me when my other Bff isn’t around but when she is she isn’t super nice to me. Same with my other Bff when we’re alone she’ll tell me everything but when the other girl is around they basically almost barely talk to me. I love them both so I don’t wanna leave them but still I can’t handle all of this. And one off my bffs r super awesome when it’s just me and her and we play minecraft while facetiming and u don’t wanna lose that.