Everything You Need To Know About Bisexuality

So, what's the deal with bisexuality? Here's everything you need to know. | Photo source: Glee/FOX

So, what’s the deal with bisexuality? Here’s everything you need to know. | Photo source: Glee/FOX

When it comes to sexuality, even some of the most awful bigots will at least admit that homosexuality is real. They might not like it, but they won’t deny its existence. And yet, for some reason, bigots, seemingly progressive people and plenty of members of the queer community really hate to acknowledge the fact that bisexuality exists. Even some incredibly prominent LGBTQ figures like Dan Savage have made weird claims about bisexuality being a farce. Uh, what? Why is it so hard to believe that people can be attracted to people who are their gender as well as other genders? Why is that so ridiculous?

Anyway, the point is that there are a lot of ridiculous negative connotations and general confusion surrounding bisexuality. So whether you’re bi, you think you might be be bi, or you’re not bi at all and just want to learn more about it, here are the bare basics of what you need to know about bisexuality.

Lets get started, shall we? Woop woop!

happy girl dancing

What is bisexuality?

The traditional definition of bisexuality is attraction to men and women, but we’re getting more savvy as a culture with regards to sex and gender and it’s best to now describe bisexuality as attraction to any gender identity regardless of biological sex. If this sounds similar to pansexuality, you’re right, by definition they are certainly similar. But as I said, bisexuality traditionally refers to attraction to both men and women, so some in the bisexual community feel more comfortable defining their sexuality by those factors. However, there are plenty of bisexual people who staunchly define their sexual preferences as being attracted to their own gender as well as any other gender identity so…it all depends on the person. Not all bisexual people identify the same way!

Are people who are bi actually gay and are afraid to say so or don’t know it yet?

Listen, there are going to be some people who identify as bisexual before identifying as either gay or lesbian or whatever. I’m sure plenty of us have friends who did just that. But that assumption shouldn’t be made on all people who identify as bisexual.

If you’re bi you prefer one gender and/or sex over another, right?

Frankly, some do and some don’t. Either way, never erase a bisexual person’s bisexual identity just because they’re more attracted to women or is dating a man. Stop. They’re still attracted to more than one gender so leave them be and don’t make assumptions! It’s not like there is this one momentous day when bisexual people have some sort of epiphany and realize with a happy smile, “Ah, yes, I really do prefer men over women.” Stop.

Are people who are bi sluttier than the rest of us, though?

dj tanner pfft

First of all, let’s not call people sluts. Second of all, the idea that bisexual people are more promiscuous or more likely to cheat than straight people or gay people is absolutely ludicrous. People are capable of cheating no matter what their sexual orientation is, period.

How do I know if I’m bi?

There isn’t one set test to determine anyone’s sexuality, but just ask yourself: Are you attracted to people who share your gender as well as other gender identities? Do you have or wish to have a strong sexual and emotional connection to folks who share your gender as well as other gender identities? If so, sure, you might just be bi. But only you can decide what label is most suiting for you.

Am I bi if I have sexual thoughts or dreams about a gender that is different than mine even though I think I’m straight?

Not necessarily. Plenty of people who have no interest in getting involved in a bisexual romance can admit to having sexual feelings about people of different genders. Brains are weird and sexuality is even weirder. Very little is set in stone, but just know that wondering what it would be like to make out with a girl even though you identify as straight doesn’t necessarily put your sexual identity into as much of a grey space as you think it should.

What if I identify more as a pansexual than a bisexual, but pansexual is so hard to explain…

franky skins i'm into people pansexual

Girl, you do you! It’s true, bisexuality is much more familiar to people than pansexuality is. But although the more nuanced definition of bisexuality is incredibly similar to pansexuality, you shouldn’t have to settle with identifying with whatever is easier. Identify with whatever is truly, well, you!

So I think I’m bi and I feel weird about it. What should I do?

If you take on bisexuality as an identity, then hopefully you rock it with pride. Of course, it’s understandable that that identity isn’t accepted in everyone’s environment, but it might make you feel less weird if you find a way to join some LGBT or bi specific organizations at school or at a local LGBT center. If that’s also not realistic for you, then try the internet. There are a bunch of great Tumblr blogs out there that focus on bisexuality, like bidykethesunnysideofbeingbi, and bialogue-group You might feel more empowered and comfortable with your identity if you see that there are other bisexual people out there who are proud of their bisexuality.

 

Are you openly bi? Do you think you’re bi but you’re afraid to come out? Tell us in the comments!

10 Crazy, Interesting Facts About Bisexuality

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  • Jeff Tilley

    The opening few sentences of your blog give critics of bi-sexuality all the firepower needed to blow open the debate:

    Here is the sentence:
    And yet, for some reason, bigots, seemingly progressive people and plenty of members of the queer community really hate to acknowledge the fact that bisexuality exists. Even some incredibly prominent LGBTQ figures like Dan Savage have made weird claims about bisexuality being a farce.

    Here’s me typing again:
    The debate about sexuality turns on “choice”. For a generation or more, liberals and progressives (like Dan Savage) have claimed homosexuals were “born” that way. Doing so makes their lifestyle “not their fault”. They are “not responsible” for what they do. So…. if you’re going to make the argument that your sexual orientation is not your fault, then you are going to run headlong into the “problem” of bi-sexuality. Hence – the likes of Mr. Savage will think of bi-sexuality as a farce.

    For those of us who DO NOT believe that you are “born that way” the problem is much easier to solve. We simply believe that you are making a CHOICE to bunk down with any given human being. That choice may be male or female. That choice may be one or more. That does not make your choice moral or right … it’s just your choice.

    For the bi-sexual (or homosexual) community to claim any high ground in the debate, they have to agree that you are making a CHOICE. That aligns them with the enemy on the opposite side of the argument. The enemy – those who believe in chastity and saving sex until you are safely inside a heterosexual marriage – are unfortunately aligned with the Dan Savages of the world. So yes, your choices are revealed to be nothing more than a farce.

  • Kate

    I am bi, and I have only told my friend Ruby so far

  • sara

    I think I’m bisexual, maybe a litte pansexual?( I like trans men, but not trans women.) I want to wait to come out though, because I need to be sure I really am bi and its not just a phase. :\

  • A

    I am bisexual and proud. I have came out to all of my friends but not to my parents. But I don’t really want to come out to them. They just won’t get it. But it doesn’t bother me at all that they don’t know. All my friends accept me for who I am. It was actually weird because I was expecting awkward questions and so on but none of that happened.
    I found out I was bi when I was 14. And I hid it at first. But after a year or two I decided there is no point on hiding it. So now I am basically waving that flag to anyone. If you can’t accept that … Well not a big deal. it is ones own choice to be ignorant and shallow.
    The only people I could never come out to are my parents and family. They think that the only thing worse than being gay is being bisexual. But I think I can live with that secret.

  • Brea

    I have recently come to the conclusion that I am indeed Bisexual. I have told my mum and step-dad. I am however afraid to tell the other people in my family.

  • Nia

    I’m bi, but I didn’t realize that I was until I was almost 21 (I’m 21 now, so it’s been almost a year since the realization). I grew up in a very Christian home and was taught that being gay was wrong, like really wrong. So I never saw my feelings for women as romantic and/or sexual attraction. I thought that everyone felt the way that I did about people who share their gender (Ever seen the movie But I’m A Cheerleader? lol) so I never thought twice about it. Because I thought that being gay was a sin I never even considered the fact that I could be (kinda) gay, but after I got to college and started to learn tolerance, and then acceptance and celebration of people who were different from me I was able to really look at who I am as a person and accept me too.

    Accepting the fact that I like boys and girls was wildly freeing. I’ve come out to people that I know wouldn’t care whether I liked girls or not, then I came out to my mom, and I’m still deciding how much I want to come out. Though my ideas about being gay have changed, I still love Jesus and getting closer to Him is the most important thing in my life. However, I know that there are many Christians who will judge me for who I am, so I am hesitant to come out to the good Christian friends that I have.

    I’m proud of myself for loving myself through this. I definitely feel like accepting my bisexuality has made me feel like more of myself.

    • Alexz

      Hi Nia!
      My name’s Alexz and I’m 20 years old (JR in college). Back in high school I dated a girl and dated/fell in love with another one. Nowadays though, it’s just been guys ( : I just wanted to say I’m happy you are accepting and celebrating yourself! It’s awesome. I’m a Christian as well and some of my Christian friends at school know about me and my past and all that & have not judged me. I really hope and pray that your friends will be like that too : ) but if they are judgy, who needs em! Jesus doesn’t judge so that’s something they would need to work on. Continue on finding those people who accept you for YOU.

      P.S. But I’m A Cheerleader is awesome!!! I saw it my sophomore year in high school and fell in love with it!!

      STAY PROUD!

  • Annie

    I am bi, but not many people know that about me. I guess I’m afraid to “come out,” and I suppose that’s my own internalized homophobia…