5 Of Your Virginity Questions Answered!

virginity-myths-featureThis week I am tackling some of your toughest virginity questions. Seriously, some of these questions had me stumped.  This is such a diverse topic. You all are very interested in your v-cards.The questions ranged from pregnancy scares, to what does virginity mean and much more. I want to thank you guys for asking these questions and allowing Gurl.com to be on your virginity journey with you! I hope that my advice will help you guys out. So without further adieu, I give you this weeks topic: Virginity.    

 

 

 

Am I Pregnant?!

So I lost my virginity about a week ago, and the day after I started to have these symptoms: I was gassy, my stomach was cramping very hard, I felt nauseated, I was bloated, and my nipples were changing. We had unprotected sex and I am very very scared. I looked it up and it said those could be signs that my period is coming. Any advice? Please help! – From Brittney

Hi Brittney,

To answer both your questions: yes, you could be pregnant, and yes, those could also be signs of your period. Anytime you have unprotected sex, you have a chance of getting pregnant or catching an STD. You should never have unprotected sex unless you are willing to deal with the aftermath, which in some cases is a baby. The good news: you would not be showing symptoms of being pregnant the day after you had unprotected sex. It usually takes a missed period, or 4-6 weeks from conception to see signs of pregnancy. I would make an appointment with your doctor to get an early hormonal pregnancy test if the symptoms you are having persist and you have not gotten your period. Even if this was a scare, you should still go to your doctor and ask about the different forms of protection that are available. Let this fear be a lesson for your future sexual encounters. I hope everything works out for you.

His One And Only

I have been with someone for a few months, and I have never had a real boyfriend before, so I am completely new to all things sexual. We’ve decided to take all sexual stuff slow. Neither of us has had sex, but he has received oral.  I just want to know if I am crazy to find this hard to deal with?  If oral can be considered even more intimate than sex itself, and viewed as actually losing your virginity,(I’m on the fence if I think oral sex counts as losing your virginity). Am I really crazy to feel so confused over it? It really sucks that I’m not going to be his first everything, when he is my first everything. I’m just so… well, confused. Can anyone help me? – C.C.C

Hi C.C.C.

I do not think you are crazy for being upset about not being your boyfriend’s first everything. This emotion is known as jealously, and it’s okay if you have a little bit of it, because we all do at some point. You should not, however, let your boyfriend’s past hook ups loom over your current relationship. He is with you now, and the different sexual acts that you two do together should be your concern. Don’t get hung up on words like “first” and “everything.” If you not being his first everything is that big of deal to you, then you might not be emotionally ready to be in this relationship. Being someone’s first everything isn’t as important as being with them for the right reasons. Being conflicted on whether oral sex counts as losing your virginity or not is something only you can decide since everyone has a different definition. If you two are happy and have open communication when it comes to doing anything sexual, then I think you should stop worrying and just enjoy being with him.

I’m In Love… Are My Feelings Normal?

A week ago I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. We were “together” all through elementary school, then in middle school he moved and we got separated for 4 years. We’ve never stopped talking, and 5 months ago we got back together and are going stronger than ever. So here we are at 16, reunited & head over heels in love. I loved him before we decided to make love, but nothing like I do now. We’ve made love 3 times since last week, and every time was perfect, especially the last time. Ever since, I’ve felt emotionally attached to him. I’ve been so confused. Is it the same for him? We’ve talked a lot about it and before we had sex he said he wanted us to have this bond that would keep us together forever. (Sweetest thing he’s ever said.) Well, it definitely worked for me. I can’t get him off my mind and I feel so alone when I’m not with him. I feel like he’s a part of me. Is this normal?Elizabeth

Hi Elizabeth,

It is common to have deeper feelings for the person that you lost your virginity to, but I want to point out that not everyone does. I don’t want to downplay your feelings at all. If you’re happy and this relationship is as good as it sounds then – congrats girl! You’re one of the lucky ones that gets to experience love at a young age. You have all these feelings, and they only increase when you throw sex into the mix. Is this a great, fun, exciting time for you? Sure! Be as happy as you want. But don’t mistake sex for love and don’t let sex, love or your relationship be all that is important to you. Just make sure you don’t lose yourself and can be your own person outside of your relationship!

What Counts As Losing Your Virginity? 

Does it count as losing your virginity if its guy on guy or girl on girl? Doesn’t losing your virginity entail having a penis in a vagina? If you’ve haven’t had sex with the opposite gender does that mean your still a virgin? – Maxine

Hi Maxine,

Wow! Your virginity questions have stumped me a little, but I like a challenge… Let me start by saying that your virginity is all about you. Not your partner, your parents or your friends. Trying to define the word virginity is like trying to keep Justin Bieber out of the media… It simply cannot happen. Virginity is a concept that has different meanings to different people. The range of what can be considered a virgin spans the spectrum of everything from kissing, to oral sex, to vaginal sex, to anal sex and everything in-between. The real question is, what are you comfortable doing with another person? Don’t get caught up in trying to define what a virgin is because your opinion is the only one that matters.

Sex Regret

Please help me! I’m 18 and I lost my virginity last week. And now I’m thinking that I’m pregnant. We used a condom, but I just feel that I had sex at the wrong age. Please help me I don’t know what to do! – Ntoshka

Okay Ntoshka,

Let’s take a breath and calm down. First, kudos for using a condom! Really, you should be proud for protecting yourself for your first time. Let’s get the easy thing out of the way: wait for your period to come. If it is on time and normal than you are probably not pregnant. I would make an appointment to see a gynecologist. You can talk to your doctor about the different forms of birth control other than condoms to see if any of them will work for you. Now, let’s tackle your sex remorse. If you are thinking that you were too young to have sex, then you probably were. Even though you are 18 and an adult by legal standards, this doesn’t mean that you were ready to have sex. If you are not comfortable with your decisions, talk to someone who you trust about it. You should hold off on having sex again until you get your feelings under control. The panic will only go away once you have come to terms with your decisions and how you will move forward in the future. Good luck!

Did these answers help any of you? Do you have more virginity questions that you want answered? Let me know in the comments below! 

How To Deal When People Are Judging You For Losing Your Virginity

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Posted in: Love&Sex, Virginity
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  • kacee

    hi i really need your help!! please answer this!!
    so i just started dating a guy and hes not a virgin but i dont care but i know he knows what to do in terms of pleasing girls and when weve been having really intense make out sessions he recently started trying to finger me but ive said no cause we werent together for long enough but now i think ill let him. before he was just kinda teasing me with my pants on and stuff and im freaking out because i didnt feel any pleasure! i read somewhere that some girls dont feel pleasure with sex and im terrified im one of them!! im only scared cause he knows what to do but i didnt feel anything!!
    Help!!

  • 333

    What’s up with the bleeding during sex? Does it creep the boy out? Does it get everywhere? And are the boys AND girl supposed to wear a condom? Who’s on top and who’s on bottom? Sorry for all of the questions?

  • Paris333

    i have never had sex but i have masturbated and stuck things up there and ever since my vagina whole has been really big, what should i do??

  • Elizabeth Smith

    Nothings wrong. Some girls bleed and some girls don’t bleed when they have penis-in-vagina sex for the first time. It’s not the bleeding that makes a person “disvirgin”, it’s the sex. You have had what you define to be “real” intercourse, therefore you are no longer a virgin. Congratulations! Be sure to use birth control, if you’re not already.

  • lamsholly

    i use to practice lesbianism when am at d age of 12 but i later stop when i knew it was bad and at the age of 17 i fell in love with a guy and am a virgin because no guy as never had sex with me before but when i had sex i didnt see any sign that i was a disvirgin and have had sex as many as possible now but no blood came out,please i wanna know whats wrong

  • Anonymous

    Hi, on the 3rd of October (this month) I went to this boys house. We went to his gym and then he took me into his bedroom and things got a bit sexual. He didn’t force me at all but I felt no pleasure in what he was doing to me? Is there something wrong with me?:( Everyone makes out oral sex to be so pleasurable but I felt nothing. It was my first time but he’s experienced so surely he must know what he is doing? I don’t know if he’s in it for the sex or not, because he didn’t pressure me to do anything but then I don’t think he has feelings for me… I am even confused myself about how I feel towards him. I also don’t think it is possible for me to orgasm/cum, I never have? I am quite worried, I’ve talked to my auntie who I am very close to and she said there’s nothing wrong with me, but, I feel like she ‘has’ to say that to make me feel reassured, someone help please?

  • Darmie

    Hello, I really love diz guy I want to please him we have tried avin sex it didn’t work ̥̥Am 2 tyt he tried everytin he culd to penetrate me it didn’t work wah else can we try aside 4rm penetratin me I can’t bear the pain it hurts so much loosin ma virginity. Is Hard

    • HelpfulGirl

      Maybe you should try and loosen yourself up first before you let anyone else do it. A good tip is to also maybe do role play before you have sexual intercourse because when a girl is horny its known that her vagina expands, so maybe you are going wrong by just getting straight to it, its your body so do what pleases you. You can do oral sex instead of sex itself, this shouldn’t hurt you and if it does the male/female is probably doing something wrong and you should tell them how you like it. If you do not know how you like it yourself then it is VERY important to know what you like before someone else does things to your SENSITIVE area. I hope I have helped you!

  • kayley

    hey my boyfriend is pushing for me to have sex with him but i don’t tun I’m ready what should i do

    -kk

    • NicksGurl

      As your boyfriend he should be considerate of you and your feelings, especially something as personal as that. If he keeps pushing you, I would talk to him about it, and then if he doesn’t stop give him warnings, and unfortunately if he doesn’t stop pressuring you then it’s time to break up in my opinion. If no matter what you say or how many times you’ve warned him to stop pushing you when you’re not ready, then sex is probably all he’s after and he may even walk out on you after he gets it.

  • Gina

    I’ve never done it before and I know im young and don’t want to encounter losing my virginity at this age but I want to know what is it like losing your virginity? Does it hurt for the girl? What do guys think of you that you are a virgin? I just want to know before I do anything risky.

    • kayley

      how old are u

    • Sarah

      It is not supposed to hurt for the girl. If your partner is doing it correctly, it shouldn’t hurt. Reasons for it hurting: 1)you haven’t prepped enough (you want to loosen up a bit) 2)You are stressed about it because you are not emotionally ready. If you are stressed, the muscles down there will contract and make it difficult and painful to put anything down there. 3)you aren’t aroused enough. you can’t just jump right into it; you have to make out for a while, or do a little foreplay. When you’re aroused, your vagina will open up more and become lubricated. if you are not aroused, your vagina probably won’t be wet enough or open enough to have comfortable sex. 4) He is being too aggressive down there.

      the extremely common misconception that it should hurt the first time for a girl is caused by disrespectful, horny boys not listening to the girl when she tells him it hurts. These boys try to tell their girlfriends/sex partners that it is supposed to hurt, so that she will continue to have sex with him regardless of the discomfort he is causing her because he doesn’t know what he is doing. NEVER let a boy tell you that it is supposed to hurt. He may not be one of those disrespectful boys (even though it is still not okay that he is not stopping when you are telling him you are uncomfortable), but rather one that has been told by other people/society that it actually is supposed to hurt when a girl has sex for the first time.

  • Ellie

    Hello! I’ve never used a tampon or had anything “up there”. When I try I just feel uncomfortable or like it hurts and I feel like I look really small opening-wise when I try to use mirror. Will I be able to have sex or is something wrong?

    • May

      There is NOTHING wrong with you. Maybe tampons just aren’t for you…but tampons shouldn’t hurt or make you feel uncomfortable unless you’re putting it in wrong. If it really makes you feel that self-conscious, or if it’s really that painful, try looking into another option, like pads. You have to have your period for a few years for the opening to get a little bigger, but usually during sex it expands, so you don’t have to worry! The first time you have sex, you might see a little blood, but that’s just your hymen breaking, and it very rarely hurts. If you’re uncomfortable, just wait until you’re ready!

      • Ellie

        Okay, thank you for your reply, feel better now! 🙂

    • Mackie Mouse

      Hey its going to be okay. I am 17 years old, and I’ve been using pads since I got my period at 14. I wasn’t able to build up the courage to use a tampon until this summer when I really wanted to swim in the pool/ ocean, and knew I couldn’t unless I used a tampon. The brand I would recommend to you are Playtex Gentle Glide 360 Tampons [ they are the best]. I would also recommend that you use tampons when you have a medium/heavy flow, and also use a small mirror to guide you. You could place the tampon while you are on the toilet or standing up with legs apart, good luck!
      P.S- Make sure you aren’t putting the tampon in the pee hole, ha! I made that mistake once and it hurt like like no tomorrow, thats why I advise you to use a mirror to guide you.