Every now and then, you’ll come across someone who gives you a lot of attention. At first, you’ll be excited and appreciate being wanted. But then you’ll realize that you don’t really want the attention. Maybe it’s because you’re not interested in the person giving it. Maybe it’s because you want attention from someone else. Maybe it’s because that attention has gotten excessive and aggressive. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, really. But you need to figure out how to let this person down.
I appreciate persistence when it comes to dating. I’m pretty guarded so I need someone to convince me that they deserve my time. This can be confusing because a lot of guys think I’m playing hard to get when really I’m just playing “get away from me.” There is a difference, y’all. Anyway, if someone is really persistent, they may not give up on you even when you want them to. So how can you get rid of that unwanted attention? I’m going to tell you:
If you're not interested, you're not interested! If you're upfront about it from the beginning and tell this person that you do not want their attention and don't want to date them, they'll likely cool off.
This is something I learned recently. There's a triangle that includes a victim, a perpetrator and a rescuer. I was hurt in my last relationship so I was a victim. A guy who wanted to hang out with me saw himself as a rescuer. When I told him that I wasn't ready to move on, he got mad but wouldn't leave me alone. He was trying to "save" me, but he became the victim and I became the perpetrator. If you're not interested in someone, it's important that you don't enable the behavior.
Don't Give Attention Back To Them
This goes along with not encouraging the behavior. While you don't want to enable it, you also don't want to cause it. If you know someone is going to give you attention, sometimes you might abuse that. Maybe you're bored or lonely or sad so you reach out to someone who you know will give you attention, even if you haven't wanted attention from them before. I get it, but you can't do that. If you tell someone you're not interested, don't suddenly start texting them when you're lonely. It sends mixed signals and will do the exact opposite of what you want in the first place.
If this person won't leave you alone and keeps bothering you, don't be afraid to get stern and assertive. Let them know that they are making you uncomfortable and inconveniencing you. When you use words like uncomfortable, people tend to back off.
We live in a world where everything we do is tied to technology. You're probably friends with this person on Facebook and follow each other on Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat. Unfollow, unfriend, unwhatever. I was dealing with someone who would always ask me if I was going to a certain place because he would see me upload a picture from that place. It was creepy, but once I disconnected from him on social so he couldn't see what I was doing, I never heard from him again.
I'm not a big fan of ghosting because I think it's rude, but if someone won't leave you alone after you tell them to, ignoring them might be your only option. You'll probably get some "Lol are you not getting my texts?" but it'll fizzle out.
This might be a little extreme, but if someone is really bothering you by texting and calling you all the time, it's time to block. If you've told them that you aren't interested in them and do not want their attention, they should leave you alone. If they still don't, block their number and block them from being able to find you on social. You won't be tempted to reach out and you won't even know if they're trying to contact you.
What do you think? Have you ever had to deal with someone who wouldn’t leave you alone? What did you do? Tell us in the comments!
You can reach this post’s author, Caitlin Corsetti, on Twitter and Instagram!