Should You Get Back Together With Someone Who Cheated On You?

Hi Heather,

My ex-boyfriend and I dated for three years. We broke up a few months ago after I found out that he cheated on me. He claimed that it only happened once, but I didn’t find out for a few weeks after he did it. He told me he felt horrible and that he would never do it again, but I couldn’t get over the betrayal, so I broke up with him even though I loved him. But now I miss him so much, even though I feel really stupid for feeling that way. He has been trying to get me back since we broke up, and I’m starting to feel like I might give in. The only thing is that I feel really pathetic about giving him a second chance. Should you ever get back together with someone who cheated on you? Please help. 

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this right now! I know how confusing it can be to try to figure out if you should give an ex a second chance, especially when he’s done something that has really hurt you in the past. This isn’t an easy situation, but I want you to know that no matter what you decide, you’re not pathetic.

I don’t normally advise people to get back together with an ex that has cheated, because once someone realizes they can get away with something like that, they’re likely to do it again. However, your situation sounds like the one exception that I have. That is that if your ex genuinely seems really sorry for what they did, you can consider trying things once more.

From what you’re telling me, it sounds like your ex really does feel terrible for what he did. It sounds like he knows he made a mistake, and he really wants you back. What he did was wrong, but truthfully, everyone makes mistakes sometimes – this was just a pretty big one. If your ex had cheated multiple times, I would tell you to stay far away from him. But if it really did only happen once, it’s something you can work with.

Now you need to ask yourself this: do you think you can handle dating him again? Oftentimes when people try to get back together after a cheating incident, they find out that all trust has been lost – and that’s really hard to get back. Without trust, it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship. See where I’m going with this? If you don’t think you’re over the cheating, don’t get back with him.

However, if you think you’re ready to move past it, and you really want to give this another try, then go for it. You just need to have a serious discussion with him first. First of all, figure out why he cheated in the first place. Was there something wrong with your relationship? Were you two fighting a lot? You need to get to the bottom of why he did what he did so you two can work on whatever problem was there.

Let him know that he will need to earn your trust back. If he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make you trust him again, great (If he’s not, move on). Tell him how hard this is for you, and then take things slow. Know that it won’t be the easiest thing in the world. But also know that you’re not pathetic. Some people don’t deserve second chances, but some do… you just need to figure out if you think it’s worth it.

take care,
Heather

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • mary popper

    QUESTION… my BF and I dated for 2 weeks…and when I went away he got drunk and kissed another girl and gave her a hickey…I broke up with him but still like him so much…is it bad to get back with him?

  • Melisa

    Hi I know what it’s like kind of cuz my boyfriend used me and we never officially broke up so I found out that my BEST FRIEND dated him for two days or hour but whatever I just had to get over the fact that he did that to me and I couldn’t change that and if u aren’t used to it just talk to him or your friend for help cuz the internet doesn’t always help you 🙂 hope you get better