Are You A Side Girl? What Should You Do If A Guy Wants To See You When He’s Seeing Someone Else?

When you’re not exclusively dating someone and are just dating around, things can get confusing. What are the rules, you know? I believe you can date multiple people openly in the early stages of things. There’s no harm in going on a few dates with different people as long as you let them know what’s up.

However, if you’re kinda sorta seeing someone but also want to see someone else, what does that mean? This week on the message boards, one girl is concerned that she’s a “side girl.”

Let’s see what y’all had to say:

demirep7989 asked
“So my ex and I hung out yesterday, and I told him that we should give each other a second chance. He still cares for me deeply too, but he wants to be my friend for now. At first I got mad cause he kind of lead me on for a little bit. Anyways, he got himself into a stupid friends with benefits situation, and he’s conflicted cause she’s moving in a month. I sat down and talked with him about it, and he said that he’s scared that whatever direction he goes, it’s going to end horribly. He wants to still do stuff with the girl since she has one more month till she moves, but he doesn’t want to mess up us trying to patch up our friendship again and hopefully start over. He’s scared that we’re not going to last if he goes the other way and regret not being with the other chick even though they have no strings attached. I took his hand and told him to close his eyes and to think about his decisions and solutions and go towards the one he thinks is right. I told him that he didn’t have to decide right away, but he should really think about it. We ended up totally agreeing to just patching up our friendship and seeing where the road takes us (and even if it doesn’t work out we’re still going to be friends because we get a long) until the other girl leaves, but we also agreed that kissing and holding hands was okay between us. At first I was all for it, because kissing him was a privilege (I know I sound pathetic) but he didn’t make it clear if he was still going to do ‘stuff stuff’ with the other girl. He’s really a good person, and I don’t think he wants me to be a ‘side,’ but that’s how I’m starting to feel. I’m going to talk to him about it cause I’m not meant to be a side dish and I don’t want to become between them intimately.”

Zeleve said:
“Yeah, you’re the side chick. Not a good position to be in. If I were you, I’d find someone else. You’re messing with a guy who’s already in another relationship, and that’s not okay.”

njlust said:
“It seems like he is stringing you along for the ride, honey. Not only is he banging some other girl, he has you waiting for him when he’s done with her.”

S0Exciited said:
“It just sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too. I won’t call you a side chick because she isn’t his girlfriend and neither are you. You guys are both just a couple chicks who talks to.”

tinyxtrickster said:
“I don’t think you are a side chick, but it sounds like he has you as the backup girl. After this one girl leaves, he can continue doing his thing with another. You said you wouldn’t be jealous if he talked to her after she left, but what if they send nudes to each other? Or she comes to visit and they see each other? What if they would hook up again. If a guy I liked said the wanted things to work out between us. I wouldn’t be expecting him to be wanting to hookup with another girl while we are seeing what we can be.”

Personally, I don’t like the term “side girl.” I understand what it’s trying to say, but it feels demeaning. It sounds to me like this guy can’t make up his mind and wants what is convenient for him. He wants to hook up with this girl he’s been seeing until she leaves. Once that happens, he gets to be with this other girl. He does not sound like a good guy.

If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. They won’t tell you, “Well, just wait until this person I’m hooking up with moves.” That’s absurd. If there are no strings attached with this girl he’s “friends with benefits” with, then he wouldn’t have a problem cutting ties before she leaves.

In my opinion, it’s time to kick this guy to the curb and find someone who actually wants to be with you full-time!

Have you been in this situation before? What did you do? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.

You can reach this post’s author, Caitlin Corsetti, on Twitter and Instagram!

What should you do if your BF doesn’t turn you on anymore?


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Posted in: Boards, Health, Sex & Relationships
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  • ayesha

    I think in such a case the guy is extra smart…he wanna have fun with both the girls..if he is a matured person ,he would stay with one and would not fuck think twice before stepping in wid him..coz mature guys don’t do this.

  • Amanda

    I was the fall back for 2.8 years after we dated like the first comment mentioned we had this endless no strong attached thing because he was “deciding” what he wanted… No, he was really just playing me so hard and I was wrapped around his finger. Needless to say, I became so sick of being played on and off I left and he’s regretting it now trying to say how sorry he is and that he still loves me but you don’t use someone you love and hurt them in every possible way except for physically. I’m so much happier without that complex weight on my heart and I’m dating around and recently became closer with a guy friend.