When it comes to people being friends with their exes, I’ve always been pretty vocal about my opinion: I don’t think it’s a good idea. In fact, I think it’s a really, really bad idea.
A breakup happens for a reason – mainly, two people aren’t meshing in some way, shape or form. That doesn’t mean all breakups are bad, or that all exes immediately vow to hate each other forever the moment they end their relationship. It just means that, for some reason, these two people shouldn’t be together (romantically) anymore. So why would they want to be together as friends, after a certain amount of time of seeing each as way more than that? It just doesn’t make sense to me.
I’m friendly with my exes – if I ever see them, we exchange small talk, we catch up, and we’re nice to each other. But I would never be friends with them. I would never call them to hang out, or invite them to celebrate my birthday with me. And whenever I see two exes stay close friends, I always feel like there is a deeper reason there, for at least one person. Unless you guys were super close friends before you started dating, or you only dated briefly and it wasn’t serious, I just don’t think staying friends with an ex is a good idea.
Zoe Saldana seems to be on my side on this particular issue. In her interview with Marie Claire, Zoe said, “I have been in relationships where a man has disrespected me, and I don’t need to be friends with that man anymore. I don’t want to be the one going, ‘I’m cool, because I’m friends with all my exes.’ There’s a reason why you’re called an ex. I crossed you off my list. Moving on.”
I couldn’t agree more. I’m all for a polite, mature relationship with an ex, but being all buddy-buddy with one? I think it’s too much. If you need convincing, here are 8 reasons you should never be friends with your ex.
It's AwkwardLet's start with the most obvious reason: being friends with an ex is awkward. Figuring out how to change your relationship from intimate to platonic is difficult. Talking to him as just as a friend is complicated. Explaining the situation to other people is confusing. Being around each other and acting like everything is fine is just awkward! At the very least, give yourselves some time before you jump into a friendly relationship.
You Guys Ended Things For A ReasonWhatever that reason was, it was enough to break up a relationship between two people who once meant everything to each other. And so it was probably a pretty good reason. If you two had a kind of bad breakup, someone is going to be bitter. And if your BF didn't treat you right while you were dating, why would you want to continue to have him in your life?
It May Just Result In You Getting HurtYou may think you're fine with seeing your ex flirt with, hook up with, or even date other girls, but that stuff is really hard! Staying friends with your ex and being in the know about his entire new life without you is basically asking to feel hurt and upset. You think you're okay with being friends with him until he gets a new girlfriend... and then you'll probably just feel betrayed.
It Makes It Harder To Move OnStaying in each other's lives is always going to make it more difficult to move on. Always. I don't care what you say. If you delete the person from your life (for at least a little while), it will be a lot easier to get over them. But if you keep them as a friend, someone you talk to and hang out with regularly, how do you expect yourself to be able to move on? It's nearly impossible.
It's Difficult To Adjust To That Change......especially if you guys weren't friends before you dated. Going from an intimate relationship with someone to being just friends is really, really tough. Establishing boundaries after a breakup is pretty complicated. Adjusting to a big change like that will make things really uncomfortable.
There's More Of A Chance Of You Guys Hooking UpIf you're still friends with your ex, there's a huge chance you guys are going to fall into a friends with benefits type of relationship... and that is a really, really bad idea. Never do that with your ex. I've seen this happen a million times. It extends relationships when they should be over.
You Need Time To Focus On YourselfAfter a breakup, you should be focusing on YOU. You shouldn't be continuing to think about your ex. And if he's still in your life, you will be thinking about him... and you might even do things differently because he's your friend. Give yourself some time to be without him, so that you can find yourself and move on.
It May Prevent You From Being With Other PeopleBeing friends with an ex can cause false hope. If you're not over him yet, being friends with him may prevent you from being with other people because you'll think that maybe you guys will get back together. And if he's not over you, he may discourage you from seeing other people. Not good.
Do you stay friends with your exes? Do you agree or disagree with me? Tell me in the comments.