A recent study has delivered some news that may bum you out: according to researchers, when women enter a new relationship, they’ll lose two friends on average. So basically, you gain a boyfriend… but you lose friends in the process.
Unfortunately, I can’t say I find this study very surprising. Ever since high school started, I have watched many friends come and go – and the biggest reason I’ve grown apart from girls I was once close with is because of relationships. Whether it’s my new relationship or theirs, one thing is for sure: a boyfriend guarantees that I’ll be missing a bestie in the near future.
When we’re single, we all swear up and down that we’ll never be like those girls who ditch their friends for their BF. Then we meet someone we really like, and we find that it’s incredibly hard to find the time for a boyfriend, friends, and everything else we have to do. Drifting apart from friends is inevitable… but why? Here are 8 reasons you’ll lose friends when you get a new boyfriend (although, don’t stress too much – the study says we gain a new friend thanks to our new BF!) – and a few tips on how to make things work.
Your Friend Is JealousAlthough your friend may never admit it, she could be jealous that you're dating someone (especially if she's unhappily single). This happened to me once - my BFF had wanted a boyfriend for a while, and she got jealous that I had one and she didn't. If she's jealous, it will come off in hostile behavior. What You Can Do: If you think this is the case, tread carefully. It's mean to accuse your friend of jealousy, because it's not something she wants to feel. While you don't have to hide your happiness or your relationship (this is something she needs to get over), don't shove it in her face. Be careful of how much you talk about your new BF, and make sure you set aside a little time for just her to show her you care. Source: ShutterStock
You Get Too Wrapped Up In Your RelationshipIt's not always your friend's fault - sometimes it's you too! Look, I fully support making a relationship your priority, especially a new one, but still - this can easily alienate your friends. If you're spending all of your time with him and not even trying to make time for anyone else, that's wrong on your part. What You Can Do: You can make your BF a priority without losing everyone else in your life. Feel free to spend a lot of time with him, but give yourself at least one day a week for just your girls. During that time, put all of your attention on them - don't talk about your new BF the whole time, or text him throughout the entire hangout sesh. A little space is good! Source: ShutterStock
Your Friend Is Single and You're Not, And Things Aren't WorkingWhen you and your friend are single, you're both basically on the same page, which it makes it way easier to hang out and bond. But once you're in a committed relationship, and she's still single, things automatically become different (even if you don't want them to). Your priorities are different. While you may want to just relax together, she may want to go out hunting for boys. It can be a hard dynamic to adjust to. What You Can Do: I was in this situation, and so I know being the only one in a relationship is hard. If your friends keep ditching you to flirt with guys when you go out, tell them how it makes you feel. Try to do different things with them when you guys hang out. In the end, you may grow apart because your lives are so different, but you can at least try to make things work. It's not impossible! Source: ShutterStock
Your Friend Doesn't Like Your BoyfriendEven if your friend won't come out and say it, it's possible that she doesn't like your new boyfriend. If that's the case, she'll probably start avoiding you because she doesn't want to hear about him or be around him. You should be able to tell by paying attention to these signs, but generally your friend will be distant and weird whenever he's brought up. What You Can Do: If you think your friend hates your BF, talk to her about it without getting angry. Find out what's going on. It will be a tough conversation, but it's an important one to have. Try hanging out with her without him around, or try putting them together to see if they'll get along. This is always an awkward situation to deal with. Source: ShutterStock
Your Boyfriend Doesn't Like Your FriendsMost of us have dated at least one dude who is just a little possessive. If your new BF doesn't like your friend, it's easy for him to push his opinions on you. Or maybe he's not comfortable with you hanging out with them. I once dated a guy who hated my best friends, and everything he said about them influenced how I felt about them... and we ended up getting in a huge fight. I still regret it! What You Can Do: You and your boyfriend don't have to agree on everything. It stinks that he doesn't like your BFFs, but that's his opinion, not yours. Let him know how much they mean to you, and tell him they're not going anywhere. He'll have to deal with it. If he doesn't want you with them because he's possessive? That's not okay. Get rid of that dude. Source: ShutterStock
You Get Super BusySometimes, it isn't anyone's fault... you just find yourself incredibly busy, and it's really hard for you to make time for everyone. This happened to me a year ago. I was so busy trying to juggle work, my boyfriend, my family, my friends and me time that it just didn't work... and everything basically imploded. What You Can Do: Learn how to deal with your time... and let everyone know you truly are busy. It helped me to make a weekly schedule. I hang out with my boyfriend on specific days, friends on specific days, and give myself time in between. Being organized makes things a lot easier. Source: ShutterStock
Your Friend Can't Accept The ChangeWhen anyone gets a new BF, it's natural for them to stop spending as much time with their friends. It's impossible to keep everything the same! But some people can't accept that, especially people who have never been in a relationship. Your friend just might not want to accept that things are different now, and it's making her hostile and hurt. What You Can Do: If you think this is what's going on, talk to her. Tell her that your friendship is important, and while you may not have as much time as you once did, you will still always make time for her. Then make sure you actually do that. If she still can't accept that? It's her problem. Your world can't revolve around her. Source: ShutterStock
You're Too Dependent On Your BoyfriendMaybe you're the problem here. Here are some signs you're too dependent on your boyfriend. If that's the case, your dependency will eventually ruin all of your other friendships. As someone who's done this, you can trust me on that. What You Can Do: Become more independent. You and your BF don't need to be together 24/7. It's important to give each other a little space. Let him do his own thing once in a while so you can do yours too. I know that's scary, but your relationship will only improve.
Have you ever lost friends because you got a new BF? Have you ever lost friends because they got a new BF? How did you deal? Tell me in the comments!