Remember a few weeks ago when I shared some really weird sex positions with y’all? Well, that wasn’t all of them. I mean, people are really creative, and I didn’t want to overwhelm you the first time. There are so many different sex positions out there, and I certainly don’t want to discourage anyone from getting their freak on however they want to.
I just really don’t want anyone to get a sex injury. I think it’s great to try new things and be adventurous as long as your being safe! Being safe in terms of contraception is very important, but you should also be safe in the don’t-end-up-in-the-hospital sort of way. Sex injuries are way more common than you think. There’s even a show about it so please, for the love of all things holy, don’t try these at home:
The Canoe Canoodle
This spooning position doesn't seem so bad, right? That is until you realize they want you do do it IN A CANOE IN THE WATER. Are you kidding me?
I've had sex on the stairs before. It hurts, and you will end up with bruises in places you never thought you could get them. I'm all for having sex on different surfaces, but stairs are not good.
The Tawdry Tube
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. WHAT?! Let me get this straight: you want me to get in an inner tube in the water with another person and have sex? I can't even sit in an inner tube on my own without falling over. This is too much.
You can have sex standing up. But leaning like the Tower of Pisa against a wall is a really easy way to fall down.
I have an idea! You lie down in between these two surfaces, and I'll sit on top of you with all my body weight and you can hold us up like a bridge!
The Pleasure Pick-Me-Up
Or you could just move this horizontally onto the bed. Cosmo notes that this is for if you're feeling in an "athletic" mood. Kay.
I don't even know what is happening here.
The Shoulder Stand
If I wanted to break my neck, this would be great.
Okay, you get on your back and let me balance on your penis. That's how sex goes, right?
The Torrid Tug Of War
What do you think of these positions? Have you tried them? Would you? Tell us in the comments!