A lot of girls love dolls. I am not one of those girls. In fact, I am petrified of dolls and refuse to be anywhere near them. I’m an adult who is well aware that dolls cannot actually harm me, but seeing a doll throws me into an actual panic.

How did I come to be so fearful of a toy that brings pleasure to children?

My grandmother used to collect porcelain dolls. She thought I would like them because most young girls do like dolls so she would send me dolls for every occasion. By the time I was three, I had a solid collection of porcelain dolls that creepily stared at me. The dolls are one of my few memories from my childhood. I remember hiding them because contrary to grandma’s belief, I did not like the dolls. They scared me, but I could deal with them. Then I got the chicken pox. 

My mom, who loves scary movies, somehow decided that the movie Gremlins would be a good thing for my brother and I to watch while we were stuck with oven mitts on our hands. Gremlins is laughable now because it’s ridiculous. Gremlins to a three-year-old is absolutely horrifying.

I couldn’t sleep that night so instead of giving me a teddy bear or some sort of cuddly animal that would make me feel better, my mom placed one of the porcelain dolls next to me. You know what the exact opposite of comforting is when you’re scared out of your mind? A porcelain doll. I threw it off my bunk bed in hopes of “accidentally” breaking it.

Fast forward to a few years later when my childhood best friend decided it would be fun to watch a movie. I thought it was going to be a cartoon, but she was a bully (no, really, she was) and tricked me. We watch Dolly Dearest, a 1991 horror flick about a family who takes over a doll factory in Mexico. The dolls are possessed, and one of them ends up in little Jessica’s room to haunt her and make her life a living hell. I was, like, eight when we watched this.

I immediately locked all of my dolls in a trunk when I got home. My mom asked what I was doing, and I was scared to tell her that we watched a movie we weren’t supposed to so I said I was too old to play with dolls. I did, however, tell my brother what happened. Big mistake. He decided to taunt me and started hiding dolls for me to find. He would tell me they were watching me in my sleep.

This continued until we went to a cabin in the mountains when I was about ten. We were at the river, and I ran up to the house to use the bathroom. When I came out, my brother was standing in the doorway and told me that the trunk in the corner was full of dolls. The trunk had red splotches on it. He said it was blood from all the people the dolls killed. WTF?! I started bawling my eyes out when he realized that probably wasn’t a funny joke. Looking back, I think that was my first panic attack.

At this point, my family started taking my fear seriously so things cooled down. That is, until my grandmother sent me a Christmas Edition Shirley Temple Doll. I don’t even remember opening the package because I blacked out from fear. I had my mom hide every doll that we owned. I don’t even know where they are to this day.

A few years ago, I went to visit my college boyfriend over the summer. I was supposed to stay in his sister’s room, but she collected porcelain dolls. (WHY, GOD?! WHY?) Fortunately, his mom covered the doll case with a big blanket so I couldn’t see them, but I still knew they were there. I barely slept that entire week because I was so freaked out.

Fortunately, I’ve avoided dolls for quite some time. Unfortunately, my grandmother passed away last year. At her funeral, it was my job to place some of her favorite dolls on a table. I nearly went into a panic but got through it because I was doing it for my grandmother. I knew it would make her happy.

I told my parents that if she left me her dolls, I would need them to be donated to a children’s hospital or something for kids to actually enjoy. I just can’t, and I’m really scared for the day when I have a daughter and can’t play dolls with her.
 
Are you afraid of dolls? What weird fears do you have? Tell us in the comments!
 

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