But what if you’re not on the breakup side? How long should you wait to date someone after they break up with someone else? That’s what you’re talking about on the message boards this week. Let’s see what y’all had to say:
“So I like this guy, but he’s going out with one of my best friends. He is going to dump her, and I like him and he said he likes me. I was just wondering when is an okay time for me to go out with him, and how long do I wait?”
“Listen, you need to decide what’s more important: a friendship or a possible boyfriend. You can’t be selfish in thinking about your possible relationship with this guy, but you also can’t be all-pleasing and not hurt your friend. In complete, you need to think and consider your friend. She’s going to be hurting, and you’re going to have to offer some type of support, not just ‘I’m getting with your boyfriend’ because that’s probably the worst thing ever. Just talk to her, be honest, don’t sneak around or lie and just hope she understands, because if she’s a true friend she’ll be there for you, and she’ll want you to be happy.”
“If the guy is not happy in your friends relationship then she probably isn’t happy either. She may or may not be hurt by it, you don’t know. The best thing to do is talk to her about it and make sure that her boyfriend explains that you aren’t the reason they broke up. You just need to explain to her that you guys like each other and if that guy breaks up with her, you may think about getting together. Honestly, she may be upset, but if she doesn’t get over it then you may just need to let her go. It’s not about deciding to ruin your friendship or having a boyfriend. It’s about being happy. Will getting with this guy make you happy? If it does, your friend should understand. I know experiences are different for everyone, but I’ve dated a couple of guys my best friend has dated, and she’s dated some of mine. I have even dated some of my sisters exes (we are twins). My sister and my friend are still my best friends for life and nothing can separate us. So, do whatever you think is right for you.”
“I don’t think it’s fair on your friend if you get with him at all. I think I’d be upset if my friend got with my ex even if I was over him and if it’s an unhappy relationship. She won’t want you dating him as a sour reminder.”
“I’ve been on this place before. Pnce she breaks up with him, or he breaks up with her, you talk to her. Be there for her. I would wait a least a month, before you ask her first, if she minds if you date him. She will either say yes or no. If she says no, then she will likely want to know how long you were talking to him. Be honest with her, but make sure she knows that you would never date him without her being okay with it. Friends before guys. Make sure she knows that if she doesn’t feel okay with that, than you won’t do it. And if she says no, wait to make sure she has moved on before asking again, to make sure she still says no.”
Yowza, this one is a doozy. First things first, let’s talk about this in terms of someone who isn’t dating your best friend. If a guy breaks up with his girlfriend and wants to date you, the appropriate time to wait is however long it takes for him to be sure he’s over her. You don’t want to end up being the rebound if you’re trying to have a relationship with this person, so it’s important to make sure he’s had time to get through his breakup and residual feelings. There’s no set timetable on when someone should move on. It’s all about dealing with those #feels.
Now, let’s talk about this friend situation. Dating your friend’s ex is tricky. Honestly, when your friend is no longer dating someone, she technically doesn’t have the right to tell you not to date them or them not to date you. However, my best friend started dating my ex shortly after we broke up. It was devastating, and we are no longer friends because of it. She never even asked me if it was okay with me.
In this situation, I think it’s really important to be there for your friend because if this guy breaks up with her, she is going to be hurt. She’s going to need her best friend, and you can’t be there for her if you start dating the guy who just dumped her. If you value your friendship with this girl, help her heal. Then you can think about discussing the fact that you want to date her ex. I wish my friend had that conversation with me instead of getting with my ex while I was still going through the breakup process.
What do you think? Have you ever been in this situation? What did you do? Tell us in the comments!
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