Should You Date Someone If You’re Confused About Your Sexuality?

Hey Heather,

I’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks, and it seems like he is ready to get really serious with me. I really think that I like him… but I am also really confused about my sexuality. I think I might be a lesbian. Is it wrong for me to date a guy seriously if I might actually only like girls? And should I let him know about this possibility?

I’m sorry you’re struggling with your sexual identity. Figuring out your sexuality can be a really confusing time, especially if you feel like you’re going through it alone. It’s even more difficult when you’re in a relationship with someone else.

Because this is such a confusing time for you, I’d have to say that being in a serious relationship right now is probably not the best idea. If you and this guy were super casually dating, I would that it’s okay to experiment a little until you have a better idea of what is going on with your sexuality. But if this guy is ready to get really serious, he clearly likes you and cares about you a lot – and it seems like you don’t feel the same way.

You’re confused about what you really want, which is okay! But leading him on when you don’t know if you really want to be with him is not okay. Doing so is most likely going to hurt him in the end, and if you can avoid a messy situation like that, that’s better for both of you. Put yourself in his shoes: would you want to date someone who thought maybe they didn’t like girls at all? Probably not. 

When you’re this confused about your sexuality, casually experimenting with someone is okay… dating someone seriously is not. It’s just going to make figuring things out more difficult for you. I definitely think you should be honest with this guy if you’re comfortable with that. Tell him the truth: that you care about him a lot, but you feel very confused about your sexuality, and you think you might be a lesbian. Let him know that you didn’t want to lead him on just to hurt him, which is why you feel like you can’t make anything more serious than it already is.

Once you end things with this guy, I would suggest experimenting and staying single until you have a better idea of what you want. This may take a while, and that’s okay! Figuring out your sexuality won’t happen overnight. Give yourself time, and while you’re doing that, keep a close friend around who you can talk to. Good luck!

take care,
Heather

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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