Ask A Guy: Why Does It Take So Long For A Guy To Ask Girls Out?

Dear Ethan,

This guy and I have had a fling going on for a couple of months, but he still hasn’t asked me out. So my question is, why do guys take so long to ask a girl out? What holds them back?

Great question – but there are actually quite a few potential reasons why a guy could be taking so long to ask you out.

For one thing, as I wrote about last week, some guys (and when they’re younger, most of them) can be terrified of making the first move — whether physically, or even just asking for a date. It’s entirely possible that that your guy is intimidated by you, or girls in general. Or maybe he’s afraid of rejection.

On the other hand, he might be dealing with something that you don’t know about. For example, he might be having trouble or facing hardship with family or friends, which would distract him from being able to focus on his romantic life. Or, he could be struggling to move on from an ex, and is not yet ready for a new relationship. Or (and let’s hope not for everyone’s sake), there could be another lady in the picture, and he’s having difficulty committing to you or both of you.

Finally, there could be a much simpler issue at hand –one that’s certainly not as pleasant to consider. He might be willing to hook up, but doesn’t feel enough of a connection to take things any further. It’s possible that – as the famous self-help book with the same title suggests – he’s just not that into you.

Ultimately, my point is that there’s no way to know what the reason for his delay is until you ask! There’s no need to grill him like the Spanish Inquisition, but communication is only way out of this rut: If he’s into you but too nervous to pull the trigger, your breaching the topic will relieve him of stress, and he’ll likely open up. And if his heart is elsewhere, you’ll be thankful you’ve saved yourself from further frustration and wasted time. Whether the romance is budding or fading, sitting down to chat about how both of you are feeling is the only way you’ll know what to expect next.

Good luck!

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. Ethan also gives weekly advice in the video series “Dude Seriously?”. Follow Ethan on Twitter!


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Posted in: Ask A Guy, Love Advice
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  • miranda

    Why does it take so long for a guy to ask you out?

  • kathrin underwood

    dear ethan,

    how do you no a boy likes you and how do you no your being cheated on

    • celsa rigsby

      I don’t know