How To Deal When People Are Judging You For Losing Your Virginity

Dear Heather,

Okay, so I’m planning on losing my virginity, and I told my two best friends about it (one is a guy and one is a girl). Basically, my girl best friend told me that she’ll lose respect for me if I do it. My guy best friend told me he’ll stop talking to me if I do. He says that he doesn’t want that for me, and that he doesn’t think I should lose it to the guy I’m planning on doing it with. I just think it’s my choice, whether they like it or not, but I don’t want to lose my best friends. Please help.

You’re absolutely right – this is your choice, whether they like it or not! Right now, your friends are being judgmental, mean, and unfair. Your sex life is your business, and you’re the only one can make decisions about it. Your friends are of course allowed to express their opinions, but they’re your friends – they’re supposed to support you, not talk down to you.

I don’t know your friends, but I’m assuming that they’re just worried about you. Having sex for the first time is a big deal to some people, and I’m sure your friends are just trying to protect you from getting hurt. It’s great that your friends care about you, but they’re going about this the wrong way. You need to try to understand why they’re being this way, and then you need to talk to them.

Are your friends against this decision because they don’t like the guy you want to do it with, or are they against this decision because they don’t like pre-martial sex? It sounds like they’re either pushing their opinions on you, or they don’t like your crush. Talk to them to figure out what the problem is. If they’re doing this because they think you’re too young/not ready to have sex (or something similar to that), that’s not fair. Your sex life is personal, and it’s something you need to figure out on your own. Other people should never judge you for those choices, especially your friends. Just because it’s something they don’t want to do doesn’t mean you have to feel the same way.

If they’re doing this because they don’t like your choice of partner, find out why. Is it because they think he’s going to hurt you or something similar to that? If so, consider what they’re saying, but ultimately, make your own decision. If you truly want to have sex with this guy, you can. But it is possible that sometimes our friends see something in our crushes that we don’t, so it’s important to talk to them about the whole situation – but, again, ultimately, this is your choice.

If you decide you want to go through with this, and they aren’t budging even after you guys talk, then I think it’s safe to say they aren’t being very good friends. They don’t have to agree with you 100 percent, but they don’t have to say things like that they’ll lose respect for you if you do it. It’s really important that you let them know that you would appreciate their support instead of their judgment. If they can’t look at you the same afterwards, that’s their problem… not yours.

take care,

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How to stop caring about what other people think of you

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Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
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  • itbkimmy

    If people are judging you, fuck it . You aint going to see them after high school anyways. Let it be. You shouldn’t let it get to you. Chances are if you let them get to you, it’s going to bother you and they won’t stop judging you. ACT like you don’t care & you are a BOSS ASS BITCH 😉