Ask A Guy: Why Is My Boyfriend So Hot and Cold? Is He Trying To Break Up With Me?

Dear Ethan,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years, but out of nowhere, he’s suddenly acting hot and cold. In other words, he wants my attention one day, then the next day he avoids me. I’m fed up with his little game, but two years is a lot to just throw away. What should I do? I want to have a normal conversation with him, but he just answers with one syllable or mumbles. Am I doing something wrong? In my eyes, I think I’m a good girlfriend. We do fight a lot, but we make up after two days. Is he trying to break up with me? Please help! I’m desperate! 🙁

No matter how you may be feeling — don’t use the “d-word” around your boyfriend. (Hey, that’s “desperate.” Get your head out of the gutter!) If he’s resorted to playing games with you, you have the right to play some of your own – but any whiff of despair on your part will only push him away further.

If you want this guy’s full attention in a hurry, you can easily do so by throwing the same exact behavior back at him, cutting yourself off from reaching out, and not giving much interest to whatever few efforts he does make to interact with you. A couple of days of that medicine, and he’ll likely come running back within no time.

BUT (and it’s a huge but)… here’s the thing: although I’ve mentioned before that a little bit of mystery can spice up the early stages of a budding relationship, there’s really no room for game playing two years into a romance. By that point, you should know each other well enough and feel comfortable opening up to one another about, well, pretty much anything. The advice I mentioned in the 2nd paragraph above is only a quick fix – within due time, you’ll likely find yourself in the same situation (or worse) with him all over again.

If you really want to get to the root of the problem, you have to – you guessed it – COMMUNICATE your feelings to him! If you’re feeling slighted, sit him down for a formal discussion to let him know. There’s no shame in taking this stuff seriously, and making it clear to him that you do. If he’s not able to handle a conversation about your emotional needs and expectations in a relationship, then he’s simply not mature enough to be your boyfriend.

Good luck!

Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. When not touring the country, Ethan gives weekly advice in the video series “Dude Seriously?”. For more on Ethan, visit


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