The funny thing about vintage birth control ads is how clinical they are. I mean, instead of advertising condoms or the pill, they’re shrouded in language about family planning. Because, of course, that’s the only thing people have sex for, right? Family planning. Well, that’s what advertisers liked to evoke back in the day, even if we know it was BS. People were getting around just like they are today, we’re just made to believe that they were all pure and wholesome. Ha ha, nope!
But anyway, take a look at what I’m talking about with these eight vintage birth control ads. Note how none of them acknowledge women being independent in their sexual choices. It’s all about men making sure they don’t knock someone up.
Shame People Into Birth ControlI know that the best way to make sure I take something seriously is to insult my intelligence. This ad does a great job at that. Also, holy style inspo. Source: History of Medicine
Knocked UpI'm sure this is not what this dude expected to happen after makin' sweet, sweet love to his boo. Source: MotherJones
LALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOULALALALALALA WHAT ARE BABIES? LALALALALA WHO CARES ABOUT STDS? LALALALALA etc...that's what this ad is telling me. Source: MotherJones
Rubber FingersHave some fun with condom finger puppets before you get down and dirty. Does that count as foreplay? Source: MotherJones
Laser PenisShould we be more cautious of this organ's ability to make babies and spread disease or its ability to cause some killer lens flare? Did the director of Star Trek take this photo? Source: MotherJones
Eff you, Stork!This is actually a pretty clever way of symbolizing a lack of interest in having babies: Assault a stork with household supplies. I hope that baby isn't left with self-esteem problems, though. Source: Tumblr
Woman Buy Condoms, TooOut of the ether comes something strange...the acknowledgement of women taking control of their sex life and protection. Holy crap! An ad that doesn't focus on scaring dudes into wrapping it up! Wow. Wow. Thank you, '80s. Source: PZRServices.typepad.com
More MPreg, Y'allThis ad brings up a fair point: "Would you be more careful if it was you that got pregnant?" This begs the answer: would they? Well, apparently not since shows like 16 and Pregnant, full of absent or barely there dads is still on the air. But if looking at a cis-man with a fake baby bulge is what it takes for men to think about sexual responsibility, there's no hope left. Source: History Of Medicine
Which of these makes you side eye the most? What other kinds of vintage ads do you want to see ripped apart? Tell us in the comments!