Do Girls Really Get Attached To Guys After Having Sex?

Dear Heather,

One of my guy friends told me that the reason girls can’t have casual sex like guys do is because girls fall in love after sex and guys don’t. Is this really true? Do girls really get attached to guys after having sex? And if so, why don’t guys?

Your guy friend is partly right. Thanks to a little hormone called oxytocin, girls do tend to feel attached to a person that they have had sex with. However, this doesn’t mean that they fall in love, or that they can’t have casual sex like guys do. It’s a little bit more complicated than that.

Oxytocin is a hormone that both men and women have. It is released in our bodies when we orgasm, and also during childbirth. Oxytocin is sometimes called the “love” hormone or the “cuddle” hormone, and that’s because it increases our levels of trust and can make us feel more connected to that other person. Oxytocin is also one of the hormones that helps a mother bond with her baby, which sort of explains a lot if you think about it.

Does oxytocin make you fall in love? Not exactly. This hormone will more than likely make you feel something for that other person – but it doesn’t cause you to immediately fall head over heels. A lot of women will report feeling a connection with someone after sex, even if they don’t quite understand that connection. A lot of women will also say that they feel closer to their partners right after having sex. Both of these things are results of oxytocin. So while the hormone can make you feel some sort of connection to the person you just slept with, it’s not some sort of weird, binding love contract.

Does it make it a little difficult to have casual sex or one-night stands? Sure, for some women it does. Personally, I have never been able to have completely casual sex with no feelings involved, even when I don’t get where those feelings are coming from. However, it’s different for everyone. There are plenty of ladies out there who have no problem with casual sex – and there’s nothing wrong with that. That doesn’t mean oxytocin isn’t being released in their bodies, it just means they’re dealing with those feelings differently.

So the next question is: if both men and women experience the release of the hormone, then why is that guys don’t feel that same attachment after sex? While scientists don’t know everything there is to know about oxytocin, they have found that estrogen seems to increase the effects of oxytocin, while testosterone kind of shuts down those effects. So, since women have more estrogen, and men have more testosterone, women feel the effects of oxytocin way more. 

Basically, yes, oxytocin does make girl feel attached to a guy after sex. But this isn’t something you should obsess over or think about too much – it’s something happening in our bodies that we have no control over. Also, oxytocin has tons of side effects (like this study saying it keeps men from cheating). It’s actually a pretty cool hormone, so don’t let it get you down.

take care,

What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at


Will being overweight stop me from finding a boyfriend?

Follow Gurl, pretty please!
FacebookTwitterTumblr and Instagram

Posted in: Help Me Heather, Love Advice
Tags: , ,
  • Esam Alzughoul

    I heard that in one of the religions, cannot remmber which one exactly might Judaism or islam, man is allowed to have more than one wife under certain conditions, where girls cannot have multiple husbands and that has been always controversial issue in terms of equality between genders, but the followers of that religion argues that god created us and he knows the needs of everone. Man needs are different from women. However, I just understood that after reading this nice article and the answer turned out to be Simple! it’s natural and girls are more than satisfied with one partner, where some men are not!.

  • This is some how true, very true

  • lakaiyah

    HiMy bf is being so romantic all the time why is that.hes older than me like 4 ,years. Should i yake this as a complement or no cause hes so sweet and sensitive. Im just wondering amd need ur advice please help me out.

  • Ella

    I miss this boy very much and I don’t know how to deal with it we have had a very awkward past and we haven’t spoke in a long time and I want to talk to him but don’t know how to or what to say what do I do? Tell him how I feel?

    • Doanoi

      I feel the same way… happened to a girl that I really cared about and grew up with. Slowly building up the courage to being able to tell her how I feel. If she doesn’t respond positively I’ll just acknowledge that she doesn’t feel the same and work to find a way moving forward.