Well, I need advice on love. I’m so confused. I like this guy I work with, we have gone on a few dates, he has met my family, and we’ve even had sex! I have told him that I like him, and he says he likes me too, but… he does not want a serious relationship anytime soon because he just got out of one. It has been a few months since we had that conversation, and I feel like I’ve reached a dead end. I don’t know what to do, because I feel like if we keep doing this, he’s going to get comfortable and never want to date me. And I want a relationship! What do I do? Please help.
When two people aren’t on the same page, relationships become hard – sometimes even impossible – to deal with. You did the right thing by being open and honest about your feelings from the beginning, and it’s great that he was honest with you also. However, it sounds like you both need to be having another conversation like this very soon. You’re right: you can’t continue to casually date him like this if you don’t know where things are going.
The next time you’re hanging out with him, bring up the fact that you need to talk. Doing this in person is best because if he’s already with you at that moment, he can’t avoid the conversation. Be completely honest with him: tell him you really like him, and you’re at a point where you want to be in a relationship. Then ask him what he wants. If he still says that he’s not ready for anything serious, then you need to cut him loose and move on.
I don’t know this guy, so I don’t know what’s going on in his head. But what I do know is this: typically, if a guy really likes you, nothing will stop him from dating you, even the fact that he recently got out of a long relationship. If he says he doesn’t want anything serious, it’s because he doesn’t! He wants to do whatever he wants without being tied down. Right now, he’s having his cake and eating it too: he gets to hang out with you, and experience some of the perks of having a girlfriend, without actually having to act like a boyfriend. That’s a pretty great situation for him, but for you? Not so much.
Basically, this relationship isn’t fair for you, and it can’t continue this way. If it’s been a while since his last relationship ended, and he’s still insisting he doesn’t want anything serious, then consider him a lost cause. He isn’t going to commit to you anytime soon. If he tells you that, end things immediately. I know it hurts, but one of two things will happen: either he’ll realize he wants you in his life and come back, or you’ll move on and meet someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Either way, things will eventually be better for you.
What’s on your mind? Heather can help! Send her your question at firstname.lastname@example.org