From The Message Boards: Are You A Lesbian If You Don’t Want A Boyfriend?

We spend a lot of time thinking that we should be in relationships by a certain age, which is definitely not true. Sometimes you go through points in your life when you don’t want a relationship. It’s totally normal!

But does not wanting a boyfriend mean you’re a lesbian? That’s what you’re talking about on the message boards this week. Let’s see what y’all had to say:

MollyMolly asked:
“I’m only 14 and most of my family at this age had had several boyfriends (I’ve never had a bf). My cousins that are my age and younger think I’m a lesbian, which I’m not. My mom is basically pressuring me to date by introducing me to all her friends’ sons and any teen boy she sees. HELP ME! Do I need to sit down and talk to my mom and if I do what should I say?”

raynarose said:
“Sitting down with your mom could be a good idea. It would ease up the pressure a bit on you. Just simply tell her you do not want to date yet and if she could stop inferring you do, that it would be nice. You will be ready when you are ready. No need to rush things! Hopefully she will be the mother and understand.”

raynarose said:
“Your mom should understand that you’re not ready. You’re only 14, you don’t even need a boyfriend! I had my first boyfriend when I was 20 and my friends secretly thought I was a lesbian for years and years, I just don’t understand why people have to put their noses in other peoples business all the time! So much prejudgement, it makes me sick.”

alliecia said:
“If it’s too much of a bother you could always request one of your male friends to be your ‘fake’ boyfriend… or even some guy online. It’s really none of their business, but if they are bothering you that much then there’s not really a problem in lying to them. One of my guy friends was my fake ‘Facebook’ boyfriend for a while for similar purposes. He’d even ‘flirt’ with me.”

Okay we definitely don’t need to go and create fake boyfriends. That’s an extreme and messy way to handle this situation. You for sure need to sit down with those who are pressuring you and let them know that you’re not ready to date. That’s it.

Not wanting a boyfriend does not mean you’re a lesbian. And being called a lesbian shouldn’t be some horrible thing anyway because it’s not. Not wanting a boyfriend just means that you don’t want a relationship and want to focus on other aspects of your life right now. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and you should never feel badly about that.

I understand that the pressure to have a boyfriend when you don’t want one is annoying. You really need to be direct and explain that you don’t want to date. Tell the people who are bothering you that when you are ready, you’ll let them know if you want to be set up.
Have you ever been pressured to date? Have you ever been called a lesbian because you didn’t want a boyfriend? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.


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  • Kitty

    If this was true, then my friend would say so. (I don’t have a crush or boyfriend, and she isn’t a fan of gay and les couples) It’s not. If she’s meant to be in a relationship, then a guy or girl will eventually come into her life.

  • D

    Holy shit when I was 14 my biggest problem was figuring out how the hell I would beat da Boss in each Donkey Kong level. Geezus yall kids these days. I would have been branded a lesbian until I was 19 if I believed in this crap.

  • Lady Lissa

    I’m now 26 & don’t have a boyfriend. Never have & my friends are okay with it. My mother doesn’t nag & my dad is kinda happy I don’t have a boyfriend to keep me from school & furthering my education. 😛 When I’m truly ready I’ll find someone – right now don’t want to nor have the time.

  • Hailey

    I’m 16, I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I honestly don’t care. I do enjoy talking to guys, but I always manage to meet the creepy ones that try to pressure/guilt me into dating them because I’m single. I’ve been told it’s “weird” to not want to have a relationship, that there’s something wrong with me etc… there’s not. I just have other priorities in life besides dating. People need to learn to mind their own business. Nobody’s alike; relationships can be important to some people, but not all people feel the same way about them.

  • Faith

    This is awful. No one should feel pressured to date someone. I mean, who you are/aren’t dating is no one’s business. Also, don’t worry girls. At 14 years old you’re still so young, you’ve got so many years ahead to date people and find out if you like boys or whatever.
    I fell in love for the first time at 18. It just happens when it’s the right moment. 🙂

  • Artemis95

    I had this problem all through high school. I’m 18, and I’ve never had a boyfriend. In addition, I’ve always had a lot of male friends. There was always this rumor going around that I was a lesbian because I hung out with so many guys and never dated anyone and never hooked up with guys. No one ever considered it a bad thing, they just excepted it as a fact that I was a lesbian. Except I’m not a lesbian. I’m not even asexual. Trust me, I REALLY like guys. I just have so many other things I want to focus on, and I’m not into casual relationships. Most people just don’t get that every second of my perfectly wonderful single life doesn’t have to be spent looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend. Plus, it probably makes guys feel better to think “oh, she’s just not into guys” than “she’s just not into me.”

  • Kayla

    I’m 14 and most of my friends my age have had several boyfriends and girlfriends, like your situation. Only I am not allowed to date (nor do I want to at this time) and I get self-conscious when I tell some people that. Some friends try to set me up with other people and it’s really annoying when I have to tell them I don’t want a boyfriend.

  • Maren

    I have a similar problem… I’m the same age as the girl in the article and some of my other friends have had boyfriends in the past and are always saying things like “Oh, we need to find you a boyfriend!” or “That boy likes you, why won’t you go out with him?” The difference? I’m wondering whether or not I’m asexual or demisexual, not being asked if I’m a lesbian, lol.

  • Kaykay

    My friends want me to date this kid in my class and I don’t want too cause he’s really short. He really likes me…. He’s tells me he loves me but we are not even dating! What should I say?

    • Kitty

      Just tell him you are not interested.