How Do You Deal When A Friend Is Spreading Lies About You?

This morning, I was busy coming off a snow-day-I-just-met-Zac-Efron high (which is totally a thing now, because it happened to me today, we’ll talk about it later), when something happened that almost managed to completely ruin my mood: one of my best friends texted me to tell me another friend was spreading lies about me.

Here’s what happened, and I’m sure you’ve all been in a similar situation before. This might get a little complicated, but bear with me. A few months ago, I was talking to a friend we’ll call Gina (not her real name) about our two friends Amy and Melissa (again, not their real names). I was talking about how I missed hanging out with Amy and Melissa because I never got to see them as much as I used to. Gina, on the other hand, was complaining about how she felt like they always left us out, only wanted to hang out with each other and were acting like bad friends.

Flash forward to now, months after this incident actually happened. Gina told Amy that I was the one who said all those things about them – that they were purposely leaving me out and I was sick of them “secretly” hanging out without me. Amy told Melissa what I had said and today, Melissa texted me to confront me about it. She was totally straight up with me, saying that Gina had told Amy what I had said and asking me if it was true.

When I first saw the text, I was confused and then immediately furious. The conversation between Gina and I had happened so long ago that it honestly took me a minute to remember what she was talking about – but once I did, I realized that Gina had completely thrown me under the bus. For seemingly no reason whatsoever, she told Amy I had said things that SHE had actually said. She purposely made me look bad and brought up something that wasn’t even going on anymore.

I know what you’re supposed to do when you hear a friend is talking about you: remain calm, confront the situation in a mature way, don’t jump to conclusions and try to talk things out before you get in a fight. So, that’s what I attempted to do. I told Melissa the truth: that Gina had been the one saying those things, and that I had actually only said I was sad I didn’t get to see them as much anymore. Then, I texted Amy to ask her if Gina really had said those things. She said she had and that she wasn’t trying to start drama, she just wanted to get to the bottom of things.

So did I. While trying to remain as calm as possible, I texted Gina to ask her what was going on. I don’t like confrontation, but I was angry! I told her the truth: I was mad at her for twisting my words around, I was mad that she was trying to get in between my friendship with Amy and Melissa, and I was hurt that she would betray my trust like that. The message definitely came across as angry, but I tried to control myself as much as possible.

When Gina answered, she denied that she had said anything like that and claimed that Amy was making it all up. At this point, things were so ridiculous and immature that I didn’t even want to be a part of the conversation anymore. I mean, come on. Let’s stop passing all the blame on the other person, you know? I told Gina I was annoyed, told Melissa what she had said, and then turned my phone off because I don’t have time to deal with these situations.

Here’s the thing: this isn’t the first time Gina has done this to me. A similar situation happened only about a month ago. I was talking about Melissa to Gina, and Gina turned around and told Amy everything I said. In that case, I reacted the same exact way I did today. Gina apologized a lot and begged me to forgive her, so I did. But this time? I’m not so sure I can.

So, I need your advice. How am I supposed to deal with this complicated situation? Should I believe Gina that she didn’t say any of those things, or should I believe Amy? Should I say something else to Gina? Should I stop being friends with her? Or should I forget this whole thing and just let it slide? Honestly, I don’t know anymore. These girls are some of my oldest and closest friends, and it really hurts me that this stuff is happening. I don’t appreciate it when others spread lies about me, and it isn’t a good feeling to think that your friends are talking about you behind your back.

So if you were in my situation, what would you do or say? Tell me in the comments.


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  • Jackie

    Well since Gina talked about your friends to you behind their back, I think it’s more likely that she is the one starting drama. I think that everyone says things like that occasionally, but if you’ve been noticing a pattern and all of the drama seems to concern her, it should be obvious who is the liar and who is the friend. So, either tell Gina all of this and ask her why she is so desperate for attention (in a nicer way than I stated, of course) or just end the friendship. I totally understand that arguments like these can cause an unnessesary amount of anger, and you DON’T need that in your life, girl! So just try your best to stay calm and confront “Gina” about y’all’s problems. Good luck 🙂

  • Victoria

    I know exactly what you’re going through. I once had a best friend (let’s call her Rachel) who used to talk about me behind my back all the time. About two years ago we got in this big misunderstanding about my boyfriend and after a time I thought we had cleared the air about everything. Little did I know that Rachel was spreading rumors about me throughout the whole school (even the school staff knew about it) causing everyone to avoid me. Luckily, I had one amazing friend named Christine (not real name) who believed in me enough to tell me what was going on. I confronted Rachel about it and she swore she would never do that again. So me, being the forgiving person I was, forgave her. The only problem was that Rachel did in fact spread untrue rumors again, this time about Christine. This was much more serious because Rachel’s lies actually caused Christine and her boyfriend to break up. At that point I just decided that that was the last straw. Although no damage was done to me, the fact that Rachel did this again to anyone was enough to make me end the friendship for good. So my advice is to just go with what feels right. If that means you may lose a friend then maybe they weren’t meant to be your friend forever. Besides, no one need that much repetitive drama in their life. Whatever you choose, I’m sure it’ll be the right decision. Good luck. P.S. Sorry this was super long!