From The Message Boards: My Boyfriend Said I’m Bad At Sex!

Sex can be tricky, and it can take some time to get into the right groove with your partner. You’re not going to have amazing sex every time you have it, even if you’ve been having sex for a while.

This week on the message boards, y’all are talking about what to do if your boyfriend or partner is unhappy in bed and says you’re bad at sex. How would you handle that?

Let’s see what y’all had to say:

latinarose said:

“Over Thanksgiving break I spent a lot of time with my guy. We’ve only had sex 3 times total, and I’ve had sex about 5 times all together in my life, so I’m not really experienced or good yet. Well, during sex over the weekend, he was being pretty rough and I felt like he was annoyed because he took a while to get it in and then it wouldn’t stay in. He was also switching positions a lot, and it was kind of overwhelming. Then he stops and says ‘You are so stiff’ and basically says it’s never enjoyable. I don’t know what to do. I don’t really enjoy sex. For some reason penetration just doesn’t do it for me. But I just feel awful. I’m not sure how to address it.”

megzzz said:
“He needs to try and please you first so then you are more “ready” for him. He may know all these fancy positions, but he has no idea what he is doing if he hasn’t figured that out. Clitoral stimulation or a combination are the only things most girls can orgasm from. I think y’all need to slow down and you relax and build more tension before actually having sex his way.”

beezneez said:

“Practice makes perfect, and I am still practicing. But my BF is considerate, and we talk it through. Your BF only thinks of himself. Either train him better or trade him in.”

FrogsandRain said:

“You need to have a chat with him and explain to him that you’re not finding it enjoyable because he’s being too rough and not taking your needs into consideration. It will only work if he stops being so selfish hun! It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong, he’s just not doing anything right!”

wonder-landed said:

“You need to sit him down and be honest. Ask him what he likes,and what he wants you to do. Have him take control in bed. Then, do the same, but instead you talk about what you like and you take control. Be honest. You said you felt overwhelmed that he kept switching positions. Speak up! Tell him what he’s doing that makes you uncomfortable, even if you are in bed.”

Oof. First of all, if someone ever straight up told me I was terrible at sex, I would be super mad. That’s not encouraging! If you want something different in bed, then ask for it. But don’t go insulting someone you’re sleeping with, you know? That’s not the kind of person I want to roll around in the sheets with.

One of the most important things when it comes to your sex life is communication. If you’re not talking, it’s not going to be that great. You need to communicate with your partner. Talk about what you do and don’t like, and get to know their preferences too. Having great sex is about learning each other’s likes and dislikes. Once you do that, things will get better.

Vocalize to your partner that telling you you’re bad at sex isn’t going to make you better. You also need to vocalize that he isn’t being attentive to your needs and is being to rough with you. And if he doesn’t want to pay attention to your needs, I’d tell him to hit the road. Your partner needs to respect what you do and don’t want in bed just as much as you need to respect what they do and don’t want.
Have you ever been told you’re bad at sex? How did you react? Tell us in the comments!

Need advice on a different topic? Do you have a story you want to share? Post your own thoughts and questions in our boards and start chatting with other girls.


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  • Emma

    I’m in the same boat. My bf told me he can’t get off and that I bore him when I’m on top. He has way more experience with sex then I do. I even asked what he likes and all I got was talk to your girlfriends. How are they going to tell me what you like. He should know and be able to tell me. My ex was never like this. It’s just so frustrating that my bf won’t tell me how to make sex better. It’s always look it up or watch porn. Honestly it would be easier if he just told me.

  • Gracie

    I have been in a relationship with a guy for almost 2 years now. He was my first, and we have been intimate for the past year. A few months back we almost broke things off during a rocky patch and in the middle of one of our fights, he said angrily “the sex is bad, you just aren’t good.” I had my suspicions that he was not always satisfied, but never having been with anyone prior I dont really have a lot of technique experience, so he was the one usually putting in more work. I am however, and always have been open, incredibly communicative and more than willing to try new things. I usually pleasure him orally or manually every day.

    Since he said I was bad at sex, I have been incredibly insecure and depressed. I try not to bring it up and I have made a big effort into making things better (trying to participate more etc.) however that has not seemed to help because his complaint is that when I am on top/in control, the angles with which I move (I usually face him, lean down close to his chest, move up and down – standard) are uncomfortable and painful. However, whenever he is the one in a giving position he goes absolutely nuts with angles and positions and bending me like a pretzel and none of those seem to hurt. We had another awkward night a few days ago in which he did not finish, and ended things abruptly in the middle.

    I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of this situation. I gave my virginity to this guy and now I find out that this precious thing I’d been holding onto is mediocre at best.

    I just feel like I have no one to go to for practical advice. What am I doing wrong?

    I have asked him that several times and his responses are always vague “I’ve told you, your angles are painful” or “I’ve been coaching you for a year now, I’m tired of doing that” etc.

    Any advice would really be much appreciated.