I know I’m not supposed to snoop through my boyfriend’s stuff – but I also have a serious issue with trust. One day when he left his phone unattended in my room, I looked through it. I found some texts with another girl that I think are inappropriate. There was nothing there that indicated they were actually having a relationship, but the texts were really flirty and sexual. She was even asking about me! I know these texts could be inside jokes or something, but I’m freaking out. He’s never mentioned this girl to me at all, so why is he sexting with her?
Now I don’t know what to do. When he’s with me, he’s so sweet and kind and caring. Besides those texts, he has never done anything wrong and always says I’m the only girl in his life. But I can’t stop thinking about those text messages, they’re driving me crazy. If I confront him, he’ll get mad at me for snooping and what if this is nothing? If I don’t confront him, I don’t know if I can stay with him. Please help me.
Ugh. This situation stinks. I am not trying to sound judgmental at all, but this is the issue with snooping: you might find something and then you have to admit you were snooping. Or you might find nothing, but convince yourself it’s something. Then you’re stuck in this weird place where you don’t know what to do.
Here’s my opinion: your boyfriend definitely shouldn’t be sexting another girl while he’s with you. It may not be physical cheating, but it’s emotional cheating, which is just as bad (if not worse). Yes, you should have left his phone alone, but that doesn’t mean that what he’s doing isn’t wrong.
In this case, I think you need to confront your boyfriend. Yes, this means you’ll be admitting that you snooped, but this doesn’t seem like something you can ignore. Not only do you have the right to know what’s going on with him and this girl, but you will also drive yourself crazy if you try to ignore it.
Be honest with your BF when you confront him. Don’t try to make up a story or make things seem more innocent. Say something like, “I know I shouldn’t have invaded your privacy, but I did. I looked through your text messages and I’m really sorry about that, but I felt like something was up. I don’t like what I found. What is going on?” Beware: he’ll probably get pretty angry at you, because you looked through his phone and he also feels guilty. Give him a chance to explain, but pay attention to your own gut feeling.
I also think you need to ask yourself why you went through his phone in the first place. You say that he’s sweet, caring, loving and seems completely devoted to you – so why did you feel the need to check up on him on your own? There has to be some reason, whether it’s your own trust issues or it’s a gut feeling you were getting about him. If you truly feel like you can’t trust this guy, you shouldn’t be with him. And if you feel like you can’t get past this text message incident, let the relationship go. If you’re constantly looking over your shoulder, it’s not worth it.
In the future, avoid looking through anyone’s phone. If you really feel like something is going on behind your back, confront that person and be honest. If you feel the need to snoop, maybe you’re not ready to be in a relationship.
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