What if you are in the middle of having sex and your guy is no longer… um… hard? And he can’t stay hard? This has happened a few times with my boyfriend and I and I’m sort of freaking out. He swears it’s not me, but what else can it be? It happens a lot! How can I help? Help!!!!
Boy, do I know all about this problem.
…Uh, from friends, of course! Not because I have any personal experience with this, haha. I’m nothing but a stallion in the bedroom, just a regular stud — always have been, always will be…
Okay, the truth is, erectile failure happens to plenty, if not most guys at some point in their life (yes, this reluctantly honest writer included). The reasons for a soldier being unable to stand to attention can range quite tremendously, so it’s not possible for me to pinpoint the exact problem in your situation without additional information. It could be that he’s distracted by an unrelated issue, dealing with side effects from medication, lacking experience, or simply short on confidence (no pun intended). Generally speaking, such a condition is usually due to nothing more than a mental block.
In my case, “hard disk failure” would ironically only occur with certain ladies I was especially into. Once I began anticipating a relationship might be on the horizon, I’d put tremendous pressure on myself to perform. The nerves were bad enough, but the mere anticipation of a non-erection would ultimately result in total sexual shutdown. It takes a patient partner to help break this cycle of fear and failure.
If you’re doubting his sexual interest in you, know that if he wasn’t feeling it, he probably wouldn’t be able to get it up in the first place. (Again, not that I know that from personal experience… ) Explain to him that you’re not concerned and that you’re willing to take things as slowly as necessary. Invite him to discuss whatever might be on his mind, but clarify that he doesn’t have to talk unless he wants to, either. Ultimately, it may just be a whole lot of built up nothing that’s keeping him from “finishing the job!”
Ethan Fixell is a writer and comedian from New York City best known as one half of comic “dating coach” duo Dave and Ethan. When not touring the country, Ethan gives weekly advice in the video series “Dude Seriously?”. For more on Ethan, visit EthanFixell.com.